How To Play a Tango

This is not really a quote, but I'm including it anyway.  Junior Quartet [with no viola].  They'd played a piece I'd arranged for them, a tango.  It was okay, but not very tango-like.

Me: How could you play this more like a tango?
Violin 1 does a sharp breath in through her nose, stands up very straight with her bow in her mouth like it is a rose, and starts doing tango-style steps around her chair.
Violin 2 sees that, and puts her bow in her mouth as well, and does similar moves.
Cello then puts her bow in her mouth and dances with her cello with ballroom dancing-style moves.

I try not to laugh too much as I can see a potential disaster.
Me: Um... Okay.  Bows out of mouths.  So that's how we could act a tango.  How does that work in playing a tango?
Violin 1 [taking out her bow, sitting down]: Ooh!  Like this-
She sits down, her back over-arched, and does strong full bows with her bow in the air, sharply inhaling and exhaling with every stroke, and a slight torso movement side to side.

Me: Exactly.

The great thing about this quartet is that, although they are not very focused for very long, they work hard when they are switched on, and they practice!  Once we've discussed how to make something better, they then do it and (usually) remember for the next time.

Andante - What It Sounds Like

Going through some musical terms with an 11-yr-old girl.

Me: What does Andante mean?
Girl: I have no idea.
Me: Take a guess.  What does it sound like?  [slowly] An-dahn-tay.
Girl [skeptical]: Like an aunt?
Me: Er - nooo... [I do the 'let your fingers do the walking' thing with my fingers]
Girl: Creepy?
Me: Ahem.  Walking.  My fingers are walking.  Andante is walking pace.

Such a Cute Niece

I recently put up a photo of each of my nieces and nephews (5 in total).  They're all pretty cute, but the photo of the younger niece is totally sweet.  12-yr-old girl (with a short attention span - and her mum knows this so the girl has a slightly longer lesson each week) comments on it every week.

Girl: Awww!!!  That- she's so... cute!!!  That basketball - will you play with me?  Awww...  And just looking up, like, oh.  So. Sweet.
Me: Yeah, she is pretty cute.
Girl: How old is she?
Me: In that photo she's 18 months.
Girl: And the rest of them!  So cute!  Aww - who's the little guy at the end?
Me: That's A - the lower 4 photos were all taken at his 2nd birthday party.
Girl: Ohhh - and who's the sweet little girl hiding behind the tree?
Me: That's his big sister, C, who's 4-
Girl: And the [giggle] kid with blue paint?
Me: That's H - and it's not paint, it's icing [girl raises eyebrows] - kids like blue icing.  On birthday cakes.  Especially boys.
Girl: Okay, that's pretty cute.  And the-
Me: That's the oldest, O - that was taken last year, but he's just turned 7 now.
Girl: Oh, nice.  And- [shaking head] wow.  She's just... so... cute... And she looks a little bit like you.
Me [raised eyebrows]: Um...
Girl: Well, you know, you've got darker hair... and yours is a bit longer and all.  Oh, and you're taller.  Obviously.  And you're not holding a basket ball that's, like, half your size.  Practically.  And you're not wearing a sweet little pink dress and oh look at the shoes!  They're so-
Me: Yeah, they are pretty sweet.  Ahem - could you play that piece now please?
Girl: What?  Oh.  I guess- agh! She'ssocute!  Okay.  Focus.  Right.

Last Week, At Music Camp

11-yr-old girl was away one week because she was on music camp - one that requires an audition, and the honours camp gets to go away to music camp for a whole week.  It's exciting.  She also just got a new violin, about 4 weeks beforehand.  The week after camp, in her lesson:

Girl: Oh yeah, last week at music camp-
Me: Oh!  I forgot!  How was it?
Girl [smiling]: It was really good... But, my peg... broke.  Like, um... [demonstrates a really stiff tuning peg being moved] yeah.  Snapped.
Me: Wow.  That doesn't happen often.
Girl: I asked the guy if he could fix it, but [disdainfully] he said he couldn't, we'd have to take it back to the shop we bought it from, so they could... get me a new one?
Me: Yep.  They'll have to take it out and - well, you can't really fix them.  Once they're snapped, they're snapped.  You'll need a new one.  How many weeks have you had this violin, anyway?
Girl: Like, four. ... Or so.
Me: Will your mum be able to take it in this afternoon?
Girl [raised eyebrow, shaking head]: No.  Um, no.  Oh, and then, the day of the concert, my chin rest fell off.  But that was easy to fix.
Me: Oh.  So, apart from your violin falling apart, was the rest of it okay?
Girl: Yeah, it was really good.  Well, actually...  It was a bit boring.  All we did was play, and eat.  But the playing bit was good.
Me: What music did you play?
Girl: Well, we played this piece by Adele... And a thing from Carmen... Arra-jonny-aze [actually, Aragonaise]
Me: Can you sing it for me?
Girl [singing and humming]: Da da da da da [etc - I almost picked up the tune].... [faster, in time, head bopping] nn pluck pluck nn pluck pluck nn pluck pluck

I guess she was in second violins.

Biggest Instrument

On Wednesday, the grade 3s had their first ever concert (for their parents).  The next day, I was talking with a violinist from the junior quartet (grade 5).

Girl: How was the grade 3 concert?
Me: It was good.
Girl: Now, be honest - did some of them sound terrible?
Me: Ummm... I don't think so... But I couldn't hear all of them, so I can't say with certainty.
Girl: Oh, now, are they going to play for the grade 2s at the end of the year?
Me: Yes.
Girl: Man, I loved that!  It got me so pumped up!  I really wanted to play the double bass.  I wanted to play the biggest instrument in the class.
Me: So, uh, how's that working out for you?
Girl: Yeah.  Not so great.

The Thumb Joke

12-yr-old girl.  Her posture was not as good as it should be, very tight and squeezy, so she had her thumb clenched up to her hand (like a Stop sign).

Me: Hand down. [she straightens her wrist but is still quite tense].  Floppy.  [I tried to open up the gap between her thumb and hand].  What's this?  What's this doing here?
Girl [bewildered]: I... I don't know.... I've always had a thumb there....

We both laughed.  A lot. 

Questioning Her Mental Capacity

One of my students is now at university, and was telling me about another girl in one of her lectures. 

Girl: ... And she, just, like, constructed a fort from tables and chairs.  For no apparent reason.
Me: Why?
Girl: No idea.
Me: ... Does she do architecture? [no] Engineering? [no] So... why?
Girl: I have no idea.  But, we think she might have some... mental problems... I mean, she likes One Direction and Justin Bieber so I do question her mental capactity.

Gold.

Shoulder Devil

One of my junior quartet violinists came to see me first thing this morning - before rehearsal - to organise a lesson time for the first week back.  The violist came in as well.

Violin: So, can I organise a lesson time?
Me: Sure.  What time would you like?
Violin [looking at the blank page]: Ummm...
Me: Really, you can have pretty much any time.  Does Tuesday work for you - same day as quartet?
Violin: Yes.  That would be good.  Umm...
Viola [peering over her shoulder]: You should do 12:30.  Then you don't have to last until lunch.
Violin [shaking her off]: No.  Um.
Me: Do you want 12:30?
Violin: No.  Um.  When else would be good...
Viola [whispering]: 12:30 12:30 12:30 12:30 12:30 12:30
Violin [actually batting her away]:  No, not 12:30.
Me: When would you like then?  Before morning tea?  Before lunch?
Viola: 12:30 12:30 12:30 12:30 hee hee hee I'm like [giggle] one of those [giggle] shoulder angels... oh wait... um... shoulder... devil...
Violin: Could I have... 9...?  Or 9:30...?
Me: Sure - which one?
Viola: Pick whichever one you want [whispering] 12:30 12:30 [normal] pick whichever one [whispering] 12:30 12:30 12:30
Violin: Agh!  Um -
Viola:  Pick whichever one you want [whispering] 12:30 12:30
Violin: Oh shush!  9:30 please.

The Art Critic

9-yr-old boy.  I started a painting which now stands at the top of the stairs, in the living room.  It has a violinist in it.

Boy: Um, Anna?  Is this you?
Me: Er- not really.  But it looks more like me than any other violinist I know, so maybe.
Boy [looking closer]: It's not a very good bow hold...
Me: Well, it's pretty small.  Have you tried to paint a bow hold that small?  With not a tiny paintbrush?  Trust me, it's not easy.
Boy: The left hand has a pretty good shape to it... I think...  [peering more closely] It's a bit hard to tell though...  But that sky is really cool!
Me: Phew.  Thanks!

A Mob Hit

12-yr-old girl arrives, with her violin case under one arm. 

Me: Hi, how are- is it safe?  You're not going to shoot me, are you?
Girl [giggling]: No, I'm not, I mean - no.  Does it look like it?
Me: You don't have a machine gun hiding in there or anything?
Girl [narrowing eyes, starting to aim]: Er... [pauses like she's thinking about it] No. 

Later, she noticed my globe, which uses different stones for the different countries.  It used to live behind the TV but I moved it into the open.

Girl: That is so cool.  [flash of inspiration] You could use it to plan your next mob hit.
Me [blinking]: What? [obviously I'm old, and was thinking Mafia at this point]
Girl: You know, your next mob.  Like that guy, he organised that mob - where they all got together and they did that thing, and it was really cool, everyone just jumped up-
Me [penny dropping]: Oh, I ge-
Girl: And they all played together-
Me: You mean a flash mob.  Not the Mob, mob.
Girl: What?  Yeah, the mob.  The cool mob thing.
Me: Not the Mafia.
Girl [with the What's My Teacher Talking About look]: No.  What?
Me: After you came in here carrying your violin like that, I just- I had Mafia on the brain. 
Girl: No... But you should use this!  Get everyone playing violin, it would be so cool!

I guess she's onto my plans for world domination...

Ninja Moves

This morning, the junior quartet performed for the first time in junior schooling assembly.  We had a rehearsal beforehand.  Originally, I was told we could practice in the assembly hall, but yesterday one of the girls saw me and ran up, very serious and wide-eyed: dance club would be in the hall - and they have loud music.  I thought I might be able to use the music room by the hall, but this morning there was another group was rehearsing in there.  So, having found the cellist, I went to the music room by the front driveway and next to the music office.  Thankfully, the other girls saw us as they arrived.  Before I saw the viola arrive, I walked out to the drive to check something with the first violinist's mum.  Turning back, I saw a flash of white-socked leg run into the classroom.  I walked in...

Viola [jumping up from just under a desk]: AGH!!!!! [best approximation of a yell]
Me: Yep.  Hi.  I saw you run in here.
Viola: I'm practising ninja moves.
Cello: ... why...?
Viola: This morning, my mum, at breakfast, she was just standing there, and then [does a fast squat with arms crossed out the front] hai-YA!  I got, like, such a shock.  I was, like, mum?  What are you doing?  And she said, I'm practising my stealth ninja moves.  So then I did it, like this [pauses, looks focused, then just the arm movement] hai-YA!  But then, mum said she was about to have a shower, so I got to the bathroom before her, and I put on a shower cap, like this [mimes] and made it really tight around my head, and then I hid in the shower, so when she came in - [squat, arms,] hai-YA! and- OH!  OH!  I just had the best idea!  We could be, like, the ninja moves quartet!

As it turned out, there were far more ninja stealth moves in rehearsal than anybody wanted, as there were several flies just flying around and landing on their bows and fingers and music.  How to keep the adrenaline pumping.  And I am pleased to report they spoke their parts and played their music beautifully.  One very proud teacher here.

Are They Fishnets?

12-yr-old girl.

Girl: Ooh.  I love your stockings.
Me: Thanks.
Girl: Are they fishnets?
Me: Er - no.  Although I can - kinda - see how you got there.
Girl: They are, like, kind of see through-
Me: Yeah, but not in a net pattern. 
Girl [giggling]: Ha.  You could kinda see a fisherman using them to catch fish...
Me: Ugh!  Fishy smelling legs!
Girl [imitating a big gruff fisherman]: Oh!  These are great!  I've caught lots of fish in these... I think they'd make great stockings for my wife now.  Here you go, darl!
Me: Shudder.

You can see the stockings in question in today's post in my other blog.

Weird Teacher Behaviour

15-yr-old girl I teach at home also has lessons at school.  With someone I know.  This has been rather amusing for me.  At the very start of her lesson, not even unpacked, she starts with this.

Girl: OH!  Okay, today, something very weird happened.
Me: Oh no!  M [her younger sister] just started her lesson almost the same way.  Is your violin okay?
Girl: Oh yeah.  Ha!  Yeah it's fine.  Okay, well, Mr P, at lunchtime today, we could see him just ... walking... up and down... like this [she walked a couple of metres, her arms flapping gently like wings]
Me: Why... was he doing that?
Girl: I have no idea.  But it was really weird.
Me: Did you ask him why?
Girl: No.  My friend and I were on level 2, and he was on level 1, so he was, like, a long way - a long way - away.  I only saw this because my friend saw him, and said, hey C, you have to see this... So, could you please ask him why he was flapping like a bird at lunchtime today?
Me: Um, sure.

What Is A Dance?

Girl in grade 10.  Until recently, she has had a very uncommunicative kind of personality, but she is slowly coming out of her shell.  Today, we were working on a dance - and she was playing it like a girl.  Throughout this conversation I was drinking a cup of tea, and her responses were very prompt and sudden.

Me: What sort of piece is this? [sip]
Girl: Dance.
Me: Er - yes.  How are you- actually, different question.  What is a dance? [sip]
Girl: People jumping around. [I nearly sprayed her with tea]
Me: Okay.  Yes.  People jumping around.  How are you going to make it easy for them to land their feet at the right time?
Girl: Accent.  Start of bars.
Me: Yes.  So, do that!

A European Country

That's right, geography again.  A bottomless pit of amusement.  This was with an 11-yr-old girl, who is actually rather intelligent so I got an extra shock when she came out with this.

Me: This next piece [a one-line theme] is a really small bit of a really long piece... which is also a really famous piece.  Who wrote it?
Girl: Jo... han...ess... Brams.
Me: Okay, so in this language the 'ja' is a 'ya'... and the 'h' in the surname makes it more ahhh.
Girl: O...kay...
Me: So, where is he from?
Girl: Umm... Italy?
Me: Er - no.  It is a European country, though.
Girl: Umm...  France? [no] England? [no] Scotland?
Me: No, it's not an English speaking country.
Girl: Africa? [both of us gasp then laugh]
Me: No, Africa is not a country in Europe!
Girl: Oh no!  I can't believe I said that!  I have no idea.
Me: Germany.  Brahms was from Germany.

Violin Vs Choir Tour

9-yr-old boy, who doesn't like playing violin.  His dad comes to every lesson.

Dad: Now, next week there's a bit of a problem.  We won't be able to come to a lesson, because J will be on choir tour!
Me: Ooh, that's exciting.
Boy [whinging]: But I don't want to go on choir tour!
Dad: Well, I tell you what.  Next week, you don't have to come to violin.  How about that?
Boy: No!  Violin is much better than choir tour!
Me: Wow.
Dad: But - you've never been on a choir tour.  How would you know if you'll like it or not?
Boy: But I know I won't like it!  I want to do violin instead! [Really?  He must really not want to do this tour]
Dad: So maybe we should leave Toowomba really early on Saturday morning, and come back for a violin lesson, and then go back and join the tour again?

Poor kid.  Sounds like an awful weekend ahead for him.  Mwahahahaha.

It's Really Famous

Continuing Quartet.  First, we played Funiculi Funicula.  Quite slowly, but the whole piece, with only one stop near the beginning.

Cello: Man, we are going to have to get so much faster.
Viola: I swear, I have never heard this piece before.
Cello [dramatically]: Are you kidding me?  It is so famous!  Like, really famous!  [then, more subdued] Well... In Italy, anyway.
Viola: Oh great, in Italy.
Cello: Totally!  If we played this in Italy, they'd all be, like, we totally know this piece.  Everyone in Italy knows this piece, they're, like [sings a bit of the opening melody]... Yeah...  Famous.

Odd Sibling Behaviour

I picked up a grade 4 girl for her lesson today.  She has a sister - let's call her Alice - in grade 6, and they don't get on brilliantly.

Girl [surprised]: Alice is actually really nice.
Me [skeptical]: Alice - as in, your sister Alice?
Girl: Yeah, she got out of Japanese to come and see how I was.
Me: Did she?  Your sister came to see you?
Girl: Yeah.  She was seeing if I was okay.  F [in grade 3] hit me at morning tea today, and Alice was checking I was all right.
Me: Wow.  Are you okay?
Girl: Well, I still have a scratch on my face [still visible] and he hit my arm which is still sore-
Me: Which arm?
Girl: My right arm...
Me: Hm... This is your sister we're talking about, yes?
Girl: I know.  Weird, right?  Normally siblings... Well, they fight.  A lot.  They're not nice to each other. 

A Sore Lip

Taking a grade 3 girl back to class after her lesson today.

Girl: Oh, my lip really hurts!
Me: Why does your lip hurt?
Girl: I accidentally stuck a pin in it.
Me [gasping in sympathetic pain and covering my mouth]: Ouch!  Why did you stick a pin in your lip?
Girl: I didn't mean to, it was an accident.
Me: What sort of pin are we talking about?  A sewing pin?
Girl: No, one of those- [starts making jabbing motions with her hand] those-
Me: That looks like a vicious sort of pin...
Girl [laughing]: No... Um... A...  Oh. One of those pins that you use on the board.  That sort of pin.
Me [making a face]: Oh... That's not the best thing to do with those pins, you know.
Girl [still laughing]: I know!  I don't like those pins very much any more.

Being Jealous of Talented People

Junior Quartet this morning.  Yesterday the news broke that our first violinist is, very sadly, leaving the country in a few months. 

Girl: Who's going to replace Violin 1 when she goes?  Is it going to be a grade 5?  Is it going to be D?
Me: I've had a quick chat with Ms T, and we have an idea, but we can't tell you just yet. 
Violin 1: Is it going to be a grade 5?  Or a grade 4?
Violin 2: Please not a grade 4! Because I really don't want it to be L.Z. - I hate her!
Me [taken aback]: Wow.  But she's really nice, and really good at violin [one of those kids who just picks it up without any worries]
Violin 2 [agitated]: But I hate her!  I'm doing grade one piano, and she's doing grade FIVE!  It's just not fair!  Although, she is Chinese- [gasp]
Me: Wow. 
Violin 2: I'm so sorry-
Me: Mm, that's a bit racist...
Violin 2: I didn't- I mean, I- Oh you know what I mean, she's just so good.  And I'm not!

Sharps In Brackets

9-yr-old girl has just started learning a jazzy piece with lots of 'blue' notes.  It's in the key of A major (F#, C#, G#).

Me [pointing to the first C# in the piece]: Is this a high 2, or a low 2?
Girl [promptly]: High.  Because it's not got a natural, and it's a C, and there's a C# in the key signature.
Me [pointing to the C in the second bar]:  How about this one?
Girl [promptly]: Low. 
Me: Because?
Girl [like she's talking to someone a bit slow]: Because there's a natural in front of it, and that takes away the sharp.
Me: Good.  How about this second finger?
Girl: Umm..  High.  I think.  Why is the sharp in brackets?
Me: What do you think that means?
Girl: It's optional?
Me: Er- no.  Although I like the idea. But, can you imagine if you had a whole orchestra doing optional sharps?  [girl starts giggling] It would be madness! 
Girl [still giggling]: It would sound - blergh...
Me: Exactly.  So they're actually trying to be nice to you, because in the bar beforehand that note was natural. 
Girl: Oh.  And is that the same here and - wow.  They're everywhere!

Baking

As mentioned yesterday, the continuing quartet had their first performance last week.  Normally I would give out Freddo Frogs as a reward, but I'm bored of that.  For my own chamber music concert recently, I baked mini cupcakes and decorated them with appropriate musical things (as well our group name).  For these girls I baked mini cupcakes and decorated them with the clefs and some musical signs.  At the end of rehearsal, I let them choose.

Girls: Oh you baked? Wow they are so cute!  And - aww, they've got a -
Viola: YAY!  You know how to do an alto clef.  I have to have that one.  Thank you!
Cello: Can I have... Can I ... ooh, can I have a G clef please?  Violin 1, you should have the f and violin 2, I think you need to take the p and - oh wow!  These are actually really yummy!
Me: Er - thanks...  You sound really surprised.
Cello: Well.  Yeah.  I mean, you made these.  And they taste good.
Me: Ye-es...  Is that really such a surprise?
Cello: Well, you see... Whenever my mum bakes, it's ... just... terrible.  I keep telling her, you need to use a bigger tin, because it all - well - it just - okay, all the baking soda separates and so it sticks to the bottom and it's just ... ergh... And then no-one wants to eat her cakes, and she's all like "Why don't you eat my cakes?" and I'm all like "Because it doesn't taste good" and then the next time she'll do exactly the same thing and then we go through whole conversation all over again and I'm, just, agh!  MUM!
Me: O...kay...
Cello: Man this icing is good!  How do you make icing, anyway?
Me: Icing sugar and water.  A whole of sugar and very little water.
Cello: Is that it?  Wow.  That sounds so simple.  Ha.  Mum always says "We don't have time for icing" but that is so not true.

Funny Pronunciation

The continuing quartet performed last week.  This was their first rehearsal since then, so I had a look for some new music for them and took a couple of compilation books along.  The first violin and viola were there at the start, so I gave them each a book to flip through and see if anything took their fancy.

Viola [looking at me with big eyes through big glasses, over the music stand]: Can we do Tango, number 3?

When the second violin and cello arrived I handed out booklets, and they all had a look through their parts before we played.  A bit of "How does my part go?" and "What's that rhythm?" and "Is that a 2 or a 3?" and then someone looked across at the 2nd piece.  I was still helping the cello, and the other girls started off the rhythm - dum - da dum - da dum - da dum ... for a while.

Cello [so judgmentally]: What's that?  Bor-ing.

We started playing the tango.  The cello part was really easy.  While she was playing, she stole a few glances at the second piece.

Cello [suddenly, eyes wide, very excited, and still playing]: Oh!  OH!  Can we do the number 2? PLEASE?  I just worked out which piece it is and my grandma LOVES it!
Viola: So are we playing that one now?  Fun-nee cull-ee fun-nee cull-ah?
Me [laughing]: Um.  Ah.  Few-ni-cue-lee few-ni-cue-lah.

You Said It

Junior Quartet yesterday morning.  I'm recovering from a cold - so, odd voice (if present at all), sneezy, sniffly, and grumpy.  Only 2 girls were there on time.  They were actually taking initiative and tuning their violins on their own.

Violin 1: Oh, Viola isn't here today.
Me: Why not?
Violin 1: She's at...
Me: Is she doing some... Sport... thing?
Violin 1: She's at [insert some regional thing] cross country.
Me: Okay.  Now.  You hear how my voice is still a bit weird? 
[Girls both nod, wide eyed]
Me: Well, I still have a cold.  So.  I need you all to behave.  Really well.
Violin 1 [giggling]: It's a good thing Viola isn't here then. [Viola is very chatty]
Me: Yes. Oh.  Well, you said it...

Too/Two

This year's junior quartet are so, so funny.  I wish I could record them and show you all.  Instead, you'll have to receive their hilarity secondhand, through me.  And just in case you're not fluent in Kodaly-speak as well as violin-speak: a 2 (two) is our second finger.  A too (or too-oo) is a minim, or a note held for 2 ta (crotchet) beats.

Me: Violin 2, what sort of two do you have in bar 32?
Violin 2: I don't have a too in bar 32.
Me: Um, yes you do.
Violin 2: No, I've got ta za za za ta ta ta ta-
Me: No not bar 31, bar 32.
Violin 2: Oh!  Ta ta ta ta-
Me [a little exasperated]: Yes, but what sort of two?
Violin 2: There is no too. [By this stage, Violin 1 and Cello have got up and are peering at her music as well, pointing to the right bar and saying the rhythm also]
Me: Yes, there is.  Find it, quickly, and tell me what sort of two it is.
Violin 2: I don't have a too in bar 32, and anyway, what different sort of toos can you have?
Me [finally cottoning on to the problem]: Ah.  Bar 32.  Your second note.  What sort of second finger do you have?
Violin 2 [blinking]: Oh.  Oh.  Low.
Me: Ah.  Yes.  Phew.

General hilarity ensued as they all realised the cause of the confusion.

Ah, Geography (Part 2)

The same boy as the last post.  We were now looking at The Entertainer.

Me: Who wrote this piece?
Boy: Um... [I point and, internally, roll my eyes] Oh.  Scott... Joh..pline...
Me: Scott Jop-lin.  Where do you think this guy is from?
Boy: France?
Me: Er, no.
Boy: Ooh, England!
Me: No - but somewhere they speak English.
Boy: Um... Italy!
Me: Ah... no.  Could he be Australian? 
Boy [shaking his head]: I don't think so.
Me: But don't we speak English here?
Boy: Yeah, but I don't think he's from here. [under his breath] Scot...
Me: No, he's not from Scotland.
Boy: I know that.  Oh!  Where else speaks English?  That's not England?
Me [knowing this could take forever]: Do they speak English in America?  Could he be American? [I start nodding really obviously]
Boy [looking rather unconvinced]: Yes?
Me: Yes.  Scott Joplin was American. 

Ah, Geography

[Great.  It just took me 3 tries to spell 'Geography'.  In the title.  I got it right first time, in this sentence].

9-yr-old boy, whose dad sits in on the lesson.  Boy has a pair of Iranian grandparents.  He'd accidentally brought his brother's violin, 2 sizes too big for him, so we were doing some theory and general knowledge at the start of the lesson.  We started with Barcarolle, by Jacques Offenbach.

Me [inner smirk - this is always entertaining]: Who wrote this piece?
Boy [squinting]: Jack...wez... Off... batch...
Me: I know it doesn't look like it, but his first name is zhark, and his second name is Off-en-bark.  [boy looks skeptical] Trust me.  Where do you think he's from?
Boy: Iran?
Me: Umm... no.  His first name is... [stunned look on boy's face] from France, and his second name is German.  He's actually German.

We then went on to talk about the name of the piece, and what it means.  It's from a French opera, which doesn't really help.

Me: So, we have this guy with a French first name, and a German last name, writing an opera in French... [boy starts to giggle]... and this song is a boat song from Venice [his dad laughs].  Do you know where Venice is?
Boy: France?
Me: Er - no.  This country starts with the letter "I".
Boy [quickly]: Iran!
Me: I knew you were going to say that!  No, this country is where pizza comes from... and spaghetti... Ferraris [running out of ideas]
Boy's dad: Where are Italians from?
Boy: Oh, Italy!!!

We then had a delightful discussion about Venice and not riding a bike to school through the canal.  Unless it's a hover bike.

Life of Pi

11-yr-old girl pulled out her phone and showed me the books she was thinking of reading next.  One of them was Life of Pi.

Me: Ooh, have you read Life of Pi yet?
Girl: No... I'm just ... thinking about reading it.
Me: Did you see the movie?
Girl: No. [looks apologetic] It - it looked kinda boring.
Me: Oh, it's not boring!  It's got a great twist at the end, and it's beautiful.  I ...uh... started reading the book.
Girl: And...?
Me: I.... couldn't finish it.
Girl: Why not?
Me: Well.... It's about a boy...
Girl [nodding enthusiastically]: Uh-huh...
Me: ... on a boat with 4 animals...
Girl: Uh-huh...
Me: 2 of the animals are natural predators...
Girl [face a bit screwed up]: Does... does the boy eat them...?
Me: Uh... No...

And then there's a wonderful moment when the girl works out what must have happened, as shown on her face.

I would like to finish the book, I just can't bring myself to do that just yet.

Viola Problems

Junior Quartet Tuesday.

Viola: I ... um... the A string broke on my viola.  So I can't play.
Me: Okay, so you just need a new string?
Viola: No... um... I don't have my viola.
Me: But you're just missing a string?
Viola: No, it broke in ensemble yesterday, and then I had to go, so Ms L said just to leave it there, and now I can't find it.
Me: Have you ... looked ... for it?
Viola: Um...
Violin 2: You should look in the chalet [where the string department is].  It's probably there.

Viola came back with a viola - not hers, but with all its strings intact.  Then, on Wednesday, she came up to her lesson at morning tea with Mr B.  With no viola, but a sheepish smile on her face when she saw me.

Viola: Hi.  Um, my teacher wouldn't let me go.
Mr B: Well, I don't have anyone now so can you come now?
Viola: Well [awkward glance at me] my A string broke.
Mr B: That's okay, I can put a new one on for you.
Me: Do you know where your viola is now?
Viola looks rather guilty.
Mr B: You - you lost your viola?
Viola [defensively]: Well, I didn't lose it, I just can't find it.  [Gives same explanation as above].
Me: Have you actually looked in the room?
Viola: I couldn't get in-
Me: Did you maybe knock on the staffroom door and ask if any of the teachers there could have a look for you?
Viola: Um...
Mr B: Well, you know what, I have a key so let's go and have a look now.

He's so nice.  It was right where she'd left it.  Now it has all its strings.

Second Finger Relationships

She's back.  One of my most entertaining girls resumed lessons last week.  In her lesson last week, she was very quiet and I thought maybe the events since last year had subdued her.  This week, she was back.  In all her crazy random glory. 

Me: What sort of second finger do you need to be doing here?
Girl: What?  Um.  Second finger.  Two.
Me: Yes... But...  Okay, high two or low two?
Girl: Huh?
Me: Is your second finger going to be friends with the 3 or with the 1?
Girl: What?  I don't know about their relationships!  How am I meant to know that?
Me: Oh boy.  It's a C# so it's friends with the 3.  Got it?
Girl [with the "I have a crazy teacher" look]: Ohhh...  Okay...


This was only a small part of her lesson.  We also covered Chinese zombies and snails.  Fun times.

Coffee is Good for You

...or, convincing the younger generation of the benefits of coffee.  It's never too young to learn.  10-yr-old girl saw me drinking out of my insulated cup, which had some drips down the side.

Girl [slightly judgmental]: Is that coffee, or tea?
Me: Tea.
Girl: I couldn't tell from the drips coming down the side.
Me: Well, they're probably from the coffee I had in here before.  I washed it, obviously.
Girl: So, you've had coffee today?  [parrot-voice] Coffee is really bad for you.
Me: No!  It's good for you!
Girl [raised eyebrow]: You're just making that up.  You know, Mrs S. has, like, 3 cups of coffee in the morning.  That's really bad.
Me: Nope.  Coffee is good for you.  It helps prevent Parkinsons disease-
Girl: What's that?
Me: You know when old people shake uncontrollably?
Girl: But you're not old.  You don't have to worry about that.
Me: The better you are when you're young, the less... awful... your life will be later. [girl is unconvinced]. Plus, if you have some coffee just before you exercise it helps you go further without pain.
Girl: Oh good.  So, next time, I should ask my mum for some just before ballet?
Me: Ummm... Maybe not.

There's no way this child needs a stimulant.

Montagues and Capulets

16-yr-old boy, and we're working on - yep, you guessed it - Prokofiev's Montagues and Capulets.  It had been a little while since I'd heard it.  The first part was okay (needed more attack, and he needs to practice his octave scales).  Then we got to the middle section, which is major, sweet, and triple time (as opposed to minor, violent, and duple).  Instead of a lovely sweet tone, he did a fabulous attack on the first note, which was really what I needed for the first part, but not here.

Me: Whoa!  What is happening in the music here?
Boy: Um... It's... [hand gestures - I wish I could have taped this and uploaded the video]
Me: Well, what's the piece about?
Boy: The... er.. Montagues and Capulets...?
Me: And... who are they?
Boy: Well, it's from Romeo and Juliet.
Me: ...And...?  Tell me about Romeo and Juliet. [this is sometimes a very disturbing eye-opener, when I discover my students know very little of Shakespeare].
Boy: Okay, so there are these two families, the Montagues and the Capulets.  And... the daughter and son... of the families... they fall in love with each other.  While the families are still, you know, feuding.  [With a 'weird' tone of voice] And the families continue to hate each other even while the kids are, you know, in love. [Hands rolling, yadda yadda yadda]  Oh, then it looks like Juliet has died, so Romeo ... umm... kills himself... And then Juliet finds out Romeo is actually dead, so she... ... dies.
Me: Good synopsis.  Back to the Montagues and Capulets.  What are they doing when they're feuding?
Boy [like, duh]: They're... fighting...
Me: Put yourself in 15th century Verona [not sure if that's the right century - sorry].  How are you going to fight?  Are you going to confront the other lot and go, hey, um, we're fighting?  [boy shakes head] Are you going to use a cannonball?  A shotgun?  A hand grenade?
Boy: No, you'd do some sword fighting.
Me [breathing sigh of relief]: Great. 

There was more - like what Juliet is actually doing in the slow part...  But I'll leave it there for now.

A 'D' Birthday

This boy is the younger (by about 6 years) of two boys.  He's small for his age, too, and is babied (in my opinion) by his brother and dad, who are always in the lessons.

Boy's dad: You might notice a slightly different J this week... [babying voice] Because he's had a birthday.
Me: I thought so!  So you're 9 now, aren't you?
Boy [downcast]: Yeah.  [pause] But I want to be 8 again.  I liked being 8.
Me: I understand.  Not much you can do about it though.
Boy's dad: Maybe, we should not have any cake, or presents, tomorrow?
Boy: Could I have a 'D' party?
Me [in my head - a what?  Have I misheard?  Am I really getting so old and behind the times...?]
Boy's dad [after a slight pause, with a look of confusion on his face too]: A what? [phew]
Boy: A 'D' party.
Boy's dad: What's a 'D' party?
Boy: You know.  Where I get a 'D' and have to go back to being 8.

Ah.  So, failing at being 9.  Not a bad concept.

Phone Case Awkwardness

This 11-yr-old girl saw my phone case, apparently for the first time ever.  Which is odd, as I'd had that case for about 2 years.  My phone provider is Virgin Mobile.

Girl: Oh WOW!  I love your phone case.
Me: Thanks.
Girl: Where did you get it?
Me: Ummm... I can't remember.  It's been a long time.
Girl [raises an eyebrow]: Really?
Me: Um.. Oh, wait.  It was the Virgin store.
Girl [gasping]: The- the what?
Me: The. Virgin. Store.
Girl [looking very uncomfortable]: Um.  I don't- ah... You shouldn't... I don't think you should say ... that word.

I'm guessing her phone provider is a less awkward-sounding name.

Appropriate Chapel Attire

Continuing Quartet this morning. 

Cello: Okay, so, this is so annoying.  I've got PE, like, first.  As in, right now.  So I have to change into my PE uniform.  And then I have [inter-school] cross country afterwards.  So I have to... yeah...  But! Later, we've got chapel.  And I can't go into the chapel... [withering tone of voice] un... [rolled eyes and a sigh for extra emphasis] ... formal... 

A Talk on Broken Hill

Walking with a grade 3 girl to her lesson, we started talking about NAPLAN (groan). 

Girl [excited]: But the good thing is, we don't have any homework next week!
Me: Well, that's a nice thing.
Girl: But - we did have three assignments this week.
Me: Three?!
Girl: Yep.  Well, one of them was a talk.  We had to talk about a town.
Me: Which one did you do?
Girl: Broken Hill.
Me: Ooh, what can you tell me about Broken Hill?
Girl: Ummm... Ahhh...
Me: Well, where is it?
Girl: It's, like, in the middle of Australia.
Me: Which state is it in?
Girl [in the "I'm giving a talk" tone of voice]: It's in outback New South Wales.
Me: Now, this is something I've always wanted to know - why is it called Broken Hill?
Girl [obviously pleased she could divulge knowledge]: Well, it's because when Charles Sturt jumped off the boat, he saw this ... hill... and thought it looked... broken.
Me: Ah.  So, is there a river or something?  For him to jump off the boat?
Girl [looking a bit confused]: Um... No, when he sailed on the ocean.
Me: Hang on a minute.  Australia looks like this [I drew a very quick squiggly outline of Australia in the air, with a tiny Tasmania at the bottom which made her giggle].  You just told me that Broken Hill is in the middle of Australia [vigorous nod] - so, how is Charles Sturt jumping off a ship on the ocean and seeing Broken Hill.
Girl: Ooh.  I mean, a lake.
Me: A lake?  Really?  Are you sure it wasn't a river?
Girl: Oh yeah.  Yeah, it was a river.

Well, I did learn 2 things.  Even more, really (I might include the end-of-lesson discussion soon).  But I didn't know why it's called Broken Hill, and I didn't know that Charles Sturt was the one who discovered it.

We're Coming to Your Concert!

On Saturday, I was in a chamber music concert.  So, I told pretty much everyone I know - including my school quartets - that it was on.  To the juniors, I gave flyers as I don't have all their email addresses just yet.  Last week, then - after the obligatory "Let's scare the life out of our teacher as she arrives" - there were clamouring voices.

Girls: Ooh, ooh - we're coming to your concert! - Oh yeah, we're coming too!
Violin 1: My mum wants to go, so I get to go too!
Viola: My mum? She just wants to know a couple of things?  Here!  She wrote down the questions on the form.  Answer the questions!  [I wrote down answers]  So, last night, I practiced... [pause]
Me: Um... that's great! [I really thought there was going to be more of that sentence]
Viola: Yeah.  [nodding vigorously]  Oh!  Yeah, that's when I saw the note.  And showed it to her.  [very excited] So we should be coming, because mum and dad really want to go!

Ends With...

8-yr-old girl, just played a piece (Over the Rainbow, for those of you playing at home) after starting to learn it last week, quite well.  Except. It. Was. Not. As smooth. As I. Would have... Liked.

Me: What could you do to make this piece sound even better?
Girl: Ummm...
Me: Anything?
Girl [shrugging]: Ummm I don't know...  Play it louder?
Me: Hmm the word I'm thinking of starts with ssss .... [girl raises eyebrow] .. and ends with -moooother...
Girl: Sss...lower?
Me: Ahem.  Ends with mooother.
Girl: Umm... sss...
Me: Ssmooo... Smooo...
Girl [like she's really having to think about this]: Smooo... Slower?
Me: Smooo...ther.
Girl [light bulb]: Oh!  Smoother!  Smoother?  Yeah, smoother.

... And, breathe...  Thankfully, she's a delightful, normally switched-on, musical kid.

Five Husbands - Developments

11-yr-old girl who thinks I have five husbands walks into her lesson, and has her phone with (thank you BYOT).

Girl: Sooo...? How's Tim?
Me: Good...
Girl: How's Andrew?
Me: Good... Still straight, as far as I know... Um, you'll have to let me know when that, you know, changes.
Girl: I'll let you know. 
[Some phone conversation happens - recordings and such].
Me: Right, phone away now.
Girl: Ooh, but-
Me [trying to get stern]: Away.  Now.
Girl: Ooh, but I just got a message!
Me [more stern]: Away.
Girl: But it's from Andrew!  He said - [concerned look on her face] - oh no!  He said, he's really sorry, but ... But... He's turned gay.
Me [breathing out]: Ah.  Okay.  Thank you for letting me know.
Girl [all concerned]: Are you okay?  I know this must be tough.
Me: Well, I had a little inkling this might happen soon.  And I imagine this will make my life a little easier... Right, scales!

Espressivo - Sounds Like...

I was going through some terms with a girl in grade 8 (who's only been in Australia a couple of years - English is her second language).

Me: What does tranquillo mean?
Girl: No idea.
Me: Well, if you chop off the o, and the last l, what do you have?
Girl [slowly]: Tran...quil...?
Me: Do you know what tranquil means?
Girl: No idea.
Me: Very calm, serene. [...] What does espressivo mean?
Girl: No idea.
Me: Let's try the same sort of thing... If we chop off the o, what do we get?
Girl: Um...
Me: Espressive...
Girl [excited]: Ooh, espresso!  We get coffee!  Right?
Me: Uh, no.  We need to keep the -ive.  Sorry.  Expressively.
Girl [not nearly as excited]: Oh.

Wedding Clothes

Today, I went straight from teaching at school to a gig - playing for a wedding.  Accordingly, I was dressed in all black.  This 11-yr-old girl spotted me as school was starting.

Girl: We went with all black today, I see.
Me: Yes.  I have a gig later today, playing for a wedding, so... all black.
Girl [raised eyebrow]: You're wearing all black... to a wedding?
Me: Yeah, I know.  But the musicians always wear black, it's what we do.
Girl: You should wear... Cream.
Me: But we wouldn't want to upstage the bride!
Girl [like, duh]: You wouldn't.  She'd be in white.
Me: Well, okay, but sometimes blokes play for these too.  Can you imagine them wearing all cream?
Girl [pause]: Yep! [Smiles].
Me [smiling]: Yeah, but I don't think they'd really like it.

Girl walks off grinning.

Messy Writing

A grade 10 girl was just about out the door, but I was still writing in her notebook.  I don't have very neat handwriting unless I'm really trying, so writing quickly, while standing up... It's very messy.  I had memories of trying to decipher one of my violin teacher's handwriting.  He's Greek.

Me: Wait... Just a moment...
Girl [peering at the page]: Okay.
Me: Because... Part of ... learning violin... Involves learning to decipher... Really messy writing...
Girl [with raised eyebrow, then with a 'well, duh' tone of voice]: Uh - my mother is a doctor.
Me [laughing]: Good point.  You'll be fine.

Conductors

A little one, 7 or 8 years old, had been learning for a couple of years.  So she was one of the youngest in the school ensemble.  Plus, very bright (if a little shy).

Girl [a bit excited and nervous]: Um... At school this week... In ensemble... I got to conduct.
Me: Did you?!  Wow!  How exciting!
Girl [grinning]: Yes.
Me: Were you scared at all?
Girl [matter-of-factly]: No.  Not really.  No-one watches the conductor.  I was pretty sure they wouldn't watch me either.

So true.

Look the Part

On Wednesdays, I wear my glasses so I can read the board when helping with grade 3.  I don't teach many kids on Wednesdays, so not many non-grade-3 kids see me with the glasses on.  This 11-yr-old girl obviously hadn't seen them before.

Girl: You...'ve got glasses.
Me: Yep.
Girl: Everyone is getting glasses.
Me: Are you getting them?
Girl: No.  My eyesight is really great.  Unlike my mum's, and my dad's...
Me: Well, I was the last person in my family to get them.
Girl [shocked]: What?!?! Really?  Oh...  Anyway, you look like a real teacher now. [She gasped.  I smiled.  She tried to backpedal].  Oh no!  I mean... I mean... You know...
Me: I know what you mean.  It's just the way it came out.
Girl: It's just... You look like, oh, you know, like, um... [she then gave a demonstration of a teacher in front of a slightly rowdy class].
Me [smiling]: Ah... Yes... 
Girl: More serious.  That's it.
Me: You think?  I'm feeling like I look like a crazy lady today.
Girl: Are you kidding?!  You look even more like a teacher in that outfit, all professional in the jacket, and the blue, and the white, and the... blue... and the ... grey... [looks up and grins]
Me: Well, thank you.

And every time I wrote something, she'd say "You look all serious again!" like this was a new trick I'd learned.  I hope she'll still take me seriously when I'm not wearing the glasses.

Making It Jazzy

9-yr-old boy, just started learning The Entertainer.  Apparently, this is a scary piece.  I decided to work on small chunks instead of tackling the whole piece, and we did the end of the first section first (do re mi do re mi-- do re do mi do re mi-- do re do mi do re mi-- ti,re-- do----).  His first play of it was accurate, but deadly boring.

Me: So, that was fine... But I think we might be able to make it a bit more interesting, don't you?
Boy: Ummm... I guess...
Me: Well, this piece is from the jazz era, so how could we make it sound more like jazz?
Boy: Like, um, like, oh, what's the word... shta-catt-o?
Me: Staccato?
Boy: Yes!
Me: I thought you might say that.  How about this? [I play it, with very short notes.  His face remained passive].  Was it jazzy?  Your face doesn't look convinced.  [Boy grins].  How about, if we made every do with a bit of accent?
Boy: Yeah... [I played - it's not that easy.  His face remained passive, again].
Me: You still don't look convinced.  How about... If we made every mi with an accent?
[Boy looks unconvinced, gives me that "I have a crazy teacher" look].
Me: Let's give it a go, anyway.  [I played, so it sounded more like this: do re MI do re MI-- do re do MI do re MI-- do re do MI do re MI-- ti,re-- do----.  By the 3rd MI, his face had lit up].  That's  more like it - now you look convinced!
Boy [grinning and enthusiastic]: Yeah!  That's the way I want to do it!

And he played it exactly the same way.  But with more of a smile on his face.

Watching Too Much

Last year, I conducted the young string group.  Everyone knows that nobody watches the conductor - but I was trying very hard to get them to watch.  As it turned out, not entirely futilely.  On a day when they'd all been given sugar just before the rehearsal (thanks, whoever was responsible for that one), one of the girls then crashed into her stand.  It was like she just fell off the front of her chair, into the music stand, which then fell over taking the folder and all its music with it, followed by kids from random places around the room getting up with their instruments trying to help, causing more mayhem. 

Me [to stand-crashing girl]: Are you okay?
Girl [a little embarrassed]: Yes...
Me: Are you sure?
Girl: Um, yep...  I ... Can I get some-
Girl 2: Ooh, ooh, I'll get her some ice!
Girl 3: Can I get her some ice too?  I'll help! 
Girl 4: I know where it is!
Me: Everyone sit down.  [instructions for calm collection of ice pack from the adjacent staff room followed.  Girl 1 was still looking a bit shaken and sheepish]  Are you sure you're okay?
Girl: Um, yes... I was- I was just- I was watching you.  Like, like this [proceeds to do an intense stare that pulls her head forward, and her whole body starts coming forward as well...]
Me: Stop!  I get the picture.  No need to do this all over again.
Girl: Oh yeah. 

Dealing With Ballet

It took me many years to realise that many students thought they were relaxed when they were anything but.  And then I realised that most of these girls (yes, girls) were also ballet girls.  There is no relaxation for these girls.  Today, I had a very enthusiastic 11-yr-old dancer trying to convince me she was as relaxed as she could be.

Girl: That is relaxed.
Me: ...Ummm... I can't move your hand at all.  That's not relaxed.
Girl: It's - it's because of ballet!  It's just - ugh.  I can't do relaxed.
Me [with a lightbulb moment]: Oh... Of course.  Can you just... pretend... that ballet doesn't exist...?  Or just ... forget everything you've learned there...?
Girl: Um, not really.  No.  [brightening] Unless you want to talk to my ballet teacher?
Me: Ah, okay. 
Girl [thoughtful]: Ooh.  But - you'd have to wear a business suit.
Me: Okay.
Girl: And high heels.
Me: Ye-
Girl: And more make up.  AND talk in a posh voice.
Me [starting to laugh]: Um, okay.  [posh voice] I think I can manage that.
Girl [enthusiastically]: That was great!  Okay, that should work.

Of course, she didn't tell me the dance teacher's name.  But from how much I know from this girl's life, I should be able track down this teacher. 

Concert Absence

I'd been working towards a concert performance with a 15-yr-old girl.  For about a month, our focus had been the upcoming performance.  Then, with no explanation, she just didn't show.  In the lesson after, I asked her about it.

Me: What happened to you last week?  With the concert?
Girl: I'm so sorry!  I just ... forgot!  I walked home, and then... went... oh yeah...

Music Critic

16-yr-old girl, who has season tickets to QSO, and takes scores along with her of the relevant works.

Girl: Oh, the QSO concert was terrible!  The conductor didn't have a clear beat at all, he was just [waves arms in a circular, egg-beater pattern]...
Me: Like a choral conductor?
Girl: There was just... no beat!  And he didn't bring in the strings, and because he had no beat they had no idea, only the cellos managed to come in in time.  [pause - then, a little apologetically]  I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes, being so critical of others when I can't play that well.
Me: But they're professionals, they're meant to get it right.
Girl [brightening]: Well, yeah.
Me: Have you thought about being a music critic?
Girl [gasping, wide-eyed with delight]: That's an actual job?!?!  That would be awesome!!! And perfect for me!

A Joke in Choir

11-yr-old girl, thrilled that the school is now BYOT (Bring Your Own Technology).

Girl: Oh, in choir this morning, Mrs S told a really funny joke!...
Me: Ooh, what was it?
Girl [pauses]: Um... [looks sheepish] I was ... uh... looking at ... something... on my iPad... and kinda ... didn't hear it.
Me: I.. see...
Girl: Well, it was about this girl, and she's singing something with so - la - mi and I think it's her mum who's wondering why she's singing about salami... You know, solami/salami...? 

I should ask Mrs S what the actual joke was.

Violins in Cellos

9-yr-old boy, uses a school violin.  The string department at school (including the instrument storage space) is housed in an area called the chalet (I'm not quite sure why).  This was while he was packing up.

Boy: I'm going to Sydney for the whole holidays.
Me: And are you taking your whole violin?
Boy: Nnnnoooo... Unless I have a smaller case.  Can I get a smaller case?
Me: You'd only be able to get a smaller case if you detached bits of your violin.  [Unfortunately, he looked enthusiastic with this prospect].  Which is the same as breaking your violin.  So, don't...
Boy [all packed up]: Oh... I'm going to put my violin in the cello now.
Me: In the ... chalet?
Boy: Yep. 
Me: Yeah, don't try to put it in the cello.  They... wouldn't like that.

[Cue giggles as he leaves the room, encountering a mate who had just finished his cello lesson].

No Lesson at Easter

My first-thing Saturday morning student comes nearly every week.  Of the year.  The Saturdays closest to Christmas and New Year are usually taken off, but apart from that - unless I'm away - he has a lesson.  He's now 15, and his mum always comes to the lesson too.  At the end of every lesson, his mum asks "Same time next week?" and usually my reply is yes.  But last week:

Boy's mum: Same time next week?
Me: Ooh - actually, no, don't come next week.
Boy's mum [surprised/concerned]: Oh - why not?
Boy [in that "I can't believe I have to explain this to you" tone of voice]: Mum, it's Easter.  She wants a holiday!

Like, duh.

The Trial of Cross Country

Today, the middle and senior girls had their cross country carnival.  Yesterday, I was talking with a grade 6 girl about it.

Me: Have fun tomorrow!
Girl [groaning]: Ugh...
Me [mock surprise]: Really?  You don't want to do cross country tomorrow?
Girl: Well.  I think it's a bit much... Really... To ask grade 6 girls... To run... Three kilometres!... All the way to [suburb] ... State School!... ... And back!  ... I'm not looking forward to it.
Me: Love the way that sentence just kept going and going...
Girl: And then, when we get back, we have to prance around! [lip sync competition]
Me: Team spirit?
Girl rolls her eyes and groans.  Again.

The Music Office Door

First thing this morning, I saw the violist from the junior quartet.  She had in her hand the 'contract' all the students in ensembles are required to sign (will turn up to all rehearsals and performances, and follow the director's instructions).

Viola: Ummm... What do I do with this?
Me: You know the music office door?
Viola: Ye- um... no...
Me: You know the music office?
Viola: Yes.
Me: And it has a front door?
Viola: Oh, yeah.
Me: That's the music office door.
Viola: Ohhhh...
Me: And it has the letterbox on the front.  You lift the lid, and you put in the contract.
Viola: Oh...  Okay.

There were varying levels of penny-dropping and confusion, from her, and varying levels of worry from me.

Random Comment #2 - The Nutcracker

Later in rehearsal for the Continuing Quartet, we were working on Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy from Tchaikovsky's ballet, The Nutcracker.  I was sorting out a passage in the violins for a bit, and could hear the cello and viola talking quietly about something.  As soon as I had finished with the violins, I heard this:

Cello [quite loudly and dramatically]: Well, I crack nuts!
Me [turning back to her, raised eyebrow]: Um...?
Cello [floundering]: Oh - well, I - um - oh, you know, I -
Viola [imitating me from earlier]: Random comment number two for today.
Cello: I don't mean I crack nuts... You know... Like... not like ... Oh.  I meant the - yeah, the nuts you can eat.  As in, the nutcracker - like where this music is from.  You know.  The ballet, and the nutcracker, and the little soldier thing.
Me: Yeah, that's what I thought you meant...

All this was accompanied by giggles from at least one of the other girls.  I feel I should point out here that they all get on as friends, and they do work really hard when not coming out with random comments and misunderstandings.

Random Comment #1 - Chin Rests

Continuing Quartet this morning.  We stopped playing for something, and before anything could be said, we had this:

Viola [sniffing her chin rest]: Ooh, my chin rest smells really nice.
Me [a bit stunned]: Um... Okay... Random comment number one for the day...
Violin 2: Ooh, mine smells nice too.  Like wood.
Violin 1: So does mine.  Well, of course they all do, really.
Cello [with her nose at the shoulder of her cello]: That's not fair.  I don't have one!
Viola: You don't have anywhere to put it.
Cello: I guess ... It would have to go here [points to the shoulder of the cello].  Can you imagine that??

Cello then puts her chin on the imaginary chin rest and pretends to play.  She looked like she was trying to sniff the bridge of the cello, with her left hand above her hair and bow arm sticking out like a broken wing.  It didn't last long, of course, as the giggles turned to hilarity.

Necklaces

11-yr-old girl.

Last week:

Girl: Um... [looks anxious] Is your necklace... Well, is it meant to look like squished up lady bugs?
Me: Oh - do you think so?
Girl: Yeah, that's like the body, and those bits are like the shells, with the dots, you know?
Me [taking it off]: I see your point.
Girl: Why are you taking it off?
Me: Because I need you to focus on violin, and if you keep looking at me and all you can see is squished lady bug, we're not going to get very far.

This week:

Girl: Your earrings look like - they are! - red roses.  That's so pretty.  And - wow! - is that? Is that a red rose on your necklace?
Me: Yes.
Girl: Ooh... That's so pretty!  Much nicer than the squished beetles you had on last week.

Thanks, kid.  Anyone want to buy a handmade necklace that looks like it might possibly be squished lady bugs...?

Birthday Swap

9-yr-old boy. 

Boy: Oh... That concert isn't on my birthday is it?
Me: When's your birthday?  It's in May, right?
Boy: Yep.  May the 24th. 
Me: And you're turning... 9?
Boy: 10. 
Me: Well, that explains why you're so tall.
Boy: Oh ... Wait... My dad and I are swapping.
Me: You're swapping?
Boy [starting to giggle]: Yep.  He's going to be turning 10, I'm going to be turning 39.
Me: 39?!
Boy: Yep, I'll be 39.  So... Actually... My birthday is now going to be April... No... March 30.
Me: Wow.  So you'll be the oldest person in your class!
Boy [big grin]: Yep!

Five Husbands - Care Factor

The week after the sneak peak into my future, 11-yr-old girl who thinks I have five husbands came into her lesson.

Girl: Soooo....?  How's Tim?
Me: Good...
Girl: How's Andrew?
Me: Good... Still straight...
Girl: How's Harry?
Me: Good.... He's still straight, too...
[awkward pause]
Me: Are you going to ask me about the- You've forgotten their names, haven't you?!
Girl: No, I just don't care about Sebastian and Tom any more.

Maybe I'll be down to a more normal number of husbands (you know, just one!) sooner than I thought.

Pretty Eyes

10-yr-old girl, very dramatic and energetic.  I hadn't normally worn any mascara when she came for a lesson, so when I did:

Girl [wide-eyed and breathless]: Wow... Your eyes are really pretty...
Me: Thanks.
Girl: What colour are they?
Me: You're looking right at them, you tell me.
Girl stares a bit closer, then (not quite so breathless): Oh.  Your eyes are really weird.  They're like this weird, like, green colour.

Rubbish Bag Skirt

Another from the continuing quartet this week.  Another random, no warning, right in the middle of rehearsal, comment.

Viola: Ooh, I want to wear something for you.
Me: Ah.. What?
Viola [a bit louder and slower]: I want to wear something for you.
Me: You mean, other than your school uniform...?
Viola [nodding and smiling]: Yep.  It's a rubbish bag skirt.
Me [eyebrow raised]: Okay...

At the end of rehearsal, she pulled out a plastic bag, which was filled with a whole lot of plastic bags.  Not just any, though - white, pink, yellow - all pastel colours, and they've been attached to a band of elastic to form a skirt.  Viola starts pulling the skirt up over her school uniform.

Me: Wow! You weren't kidding.
Viola: Nope.  It's for cultural capers. [Which is, as far as I can gather, a lip-sync competition].

Cello starts singing - and then it got a little crazy with old songs and new songs and singing and dance moves.  Yes, Gangnam style, from the most straitlaced girl in the quartet.

Pizz

Grade 6 quartet this morning.  The piece we worked on for most of this morning has a pattern of repeated quavers that is shared between all the parts, and we played it in various ways to determine if we wanted smooth or not, how to slur if we were slurring, and then we tried a section pizzicato (plucked).  It sounded fabulous that way, so the pencil was shared around (I was the only one who brought one today) so the girls could write pizz in their parts.  While the cellist was writing, the violins were fiddling around with their parts. 

Cello gasped, head snapped up, then: Oh no.  Oh.  Um. 
Me: Oh - what is it?
Cello: Oh no.  How - how do you spell pizz?
Me: P-I-Z-Z
Cello:  Oh no.  I used an 'S'.  Two of them!
Me: So you've written-
Cello [both of us starting to giggle]: Yep.  Piss.  It's in my part now!  [a bit louder] Does anyone have a rubber?  This is important.
Viola: Why?
Cello: Because... because I wrote 'piss' in my part.  I need to change them to 'Z's! 
Viola: Ooh, that's a swear word!
Cello: No it's not, not really.  It's just a naughty word for pee.
Violin 2: Well, it's rude if you put 'off' after it.

Thankfully, Viola had a rubber handy, and the situation was rectified.

Why Because

16-yr-old girl, who last week dealt with C# major and its key signature of all sharps. 

Me: Why does C# major have all sharps?
Girl: Because it's C# major.
Me: But why?
Girl: Because it has all sharps.
Me: You've just told me that C# major has all sharps because it's C# major. 
Girl [slightly apologetically]: I know...  That's what I usually do in exams if I don't know the answer, I just rewrite the question in a slightly different way so it sounds like I know what I'm talking about.

Honest.  She then tried to tell me this is the scale you learn first on violin, even though last week she was scared just looking at the key signature.

Teenage Birthdays

15-year old girl, whose dad comes to every lesson.

Dad: Next week, L is in exam block, so we won't be coming to a lesson then... And the week after that is her birthday.  She tells me it's in her contract [smiles] that she doesn't do lessons on her birthday.
Me [smiling]: Oh, I understand.  I totally agree with that, actually.  So how old will you be turning?
Girl: 16. [Grimace] Ancient.
Me: What's that?  Ancient?
Girl: Yeah.  16 is ancient.  I will be ancient.

Five Husbands - Sneak Peak (3)

Girl Who Thinks I Have Five Husbands gave me a sneak peak of the future (find part 1 here and part 2 here).  After the first 3 bombshells, she then gave a summary:

Girl [subdued, serious]: So... You should stick with Tim.  He's - he's a good one...
Me [smiling]: Uh huh.
Girl [grinning]: And keep your eye on Andrew and Harry!  Don't let them spend too much time together, now.
Me: Um, okay.  But I don't think I could really stop them, if that's what they really want.
Girl [in a bossy-boots sort of way]: It doesn't matter.  No alone time for them!

Yeah, because losing 2 husbands and only having 3 would be so hard.

Phone Codes

11-yr-old girl.  A week or two before this, I'd left the room quickly for something.  When I returned, she had my phone in her hands, with the screen asking for a code. 

Girl: What's your code?
Me: I'm not going to tell you that.
Girl tries a combination.
Me: You're not going to work it out.  Give me the phone, please.
Girl: No, I can get this!  I just want to... [incorrect, again] Oh.  ... Um, change something cool in your phone...
Enough incorrect attempts that the phone locks.

Part 2:
Girl:  Ooh, can I borrow your phone for something?
Me: Er, no.
Girl: Pleeeeeease???
Me: No.
Girl manages to grab phone from me.
Me: You don't know my code, so that's a bit pointless.
Girl [indignant]: Yes I do.
Me: No, you don't.
Girl: Yes, I do.
Me [starting to laugh, she is so adamant]: Really?  What is it, then?
Girl [wide-eyed, serious]: Well, I can't tell you - I don't know if this is the real you, and not someone pretending to be you.

All I could do was laugh.

Grade 1 Parting

Overheard as I was getting to the station after work today.  Two little girls, looking about grade 1.  Their respective parents didn't say anything while the girls chatted.  I didn't get it all - they were not quite waist-high, with hats on - but here are the perks.

Girl 1 (R): I don't know which one we get out at.
Girl 2 (L): Is it Central?
R: It might be.  Or it might be at City and Roma St Station.
L: Oh.
R: Which platform do you go to?
L: Platform 4.
R: Oh.  We got to platform 1.
L: Oh, okay. ... Bye, R!
R [calling out]: Bye, L!  ... I'll miss you!!
R's mum [gently]: Don't call out so loudly, R.
R: But I just wanted to say goodbye.  I don't get to see her until tomorrow.

Made me smile.

Maths Brain

Doing theory with a 16-yr-old girl (the same one mentioned here).  She hasn't done much for a while, so we backed up a bit to grade 5.  We got to a question which asked for the C# major scale, with the key signature.  Then things got interesting.

Me: Read the question.  We need the key signature of C# major. 
Girl: So, C sharp, right?
Me: Yep.  [pause] What sharps are you going to need?
Girl: ... C... sharp...
Me [thinking this could take a while]: Okay, think back years and years, to when you did grade 1 theory...
Girl: I'll try...
Me: ...and you did C major scale first. 
Girl: Uh huh.
Me: Why did they make you do C major first?
Girl: Um... because it's only one octave? [nope] because it's only got one sharp?
Me: Does is really?
Girl: Oh - does it have 2 sharps?
Me: Ah, no.  [skip a few similar, incorrect, statements] C major has no sharps or flats.  It's all natural.
Girl [light bulb, I thought]: Ohhh...
Me: So, switch on your maths brain -
Girl [eyebrow raised]: But I don't have a maths brain, haven't you realised that yet?
Me: Oh yeah... If C major was all natural, you have to make every note sharper.  C sharp, and D sharp, and E sharp [etc]
Girl: No wonder they didn't make us do that in grade 1 - that's scary even now!

YouTube

Continuing Quartet.  We're working on a couple of pieces, one of which is Carnival of Venice. 

Cello: Oh, my goodness!  I was listening to this on YouTube, because my mum was, like [in a very serious 'tell it like it is' voice] Um, you suck... [back to normal] and -
Me [a bit indignant]: Oh!
Cello [dejected]: Well, yeah.  She's kinda right.  [perkier] So, I was listening to it, and it sounds awesome!!  All [she sings in a carnival-like manner] doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo [etc]

I wonder how this generation would go without YouTube...

Five Husbands - A Necklace

During the week, I wore a multi-strand necklace I made myself during the Australia Day weather event.  The girl who thinks I have five husbands saw me.

Girl: Ooh, that's such a pretty necklace.
Me: Thank you.
Girl [touching the necklace]: Did you make it yourself?
Me: Ye-
Girl: Or did one of your husbands make it?  Andrew?  Tim?
Me: What do you think?
Girl counts the strands (there are 9), then: Okay, you must have made it together.  Good work.
Me: Thanks...

Thongs

Junior Quartet on Tuesday.  Packing up at the end.  This takes forever and usually includes the line "Can't we just do music all day?" (Did I mention I love my job?).  I have no idea how this began, or even if there was a why.

Viola: Oh, did you know, in England, thongs is another name for underwear?  [giggles all around] So if you're wearing thongs, it means something totally different.
Violin 1: What do they call thongs, then?
Viola [pronounced carefully, with a 'this is so weird' subtext]: Flip flops.
Cello: They call them flip flops in America, too.
Violin 2: They call them something weird in New Zealand.  Oh... um...
Me: Jandals.
Violin 2: Yeah.  Jandals. Why can't everyone just call them thongs?  That would be easier.  On everyone.
Viola: I know!  Now when I say I'm wearing thongs... Well...

Giggles. 

Not A Doctor

Junior Quartet this morning.  Visited by one of the cellists who is also in grade 5 this year (and was in my ensemble last year - the chatterbox).  This happened as we were heading down the stairs at the end of rehearsal.

Cello: No way!  Miss M, C just moved up to a three-quarter size cello!
C [obviously very pleased with this]: Yep!  It's cos my hands are bigger.
Me: Let's see.  [She holds up her hands].  Wow, your fingers are really long.  My hands are really small...
C:  How big are yours, let me see! [She tries to match up her right hand with my right, then I convince her to hold up her left].  No way!  Yours are tiny!
Me: Ah... yes. [Viola tries out as well, same result]
Cello: Well, Ms T said, my arm has grown... but...well... she's not a doctor...  So she wants to wait until my hand has grown as well, otherwise I might go flop [with accompanying arm-falling-down-the-cello action] and end up at the wrong end.

Hypothetical Odd Couples

Continuing Quartet (10-yr-old girls) this morning. 

Cello [in the middle of working out a fingering pattern]: Oh!  Hey.  Wouldn't it be, like, so weird, if there was, like, a couple, and he played violin and she played cello?
Viola: Oh, yeah...
Me: Er - why is that?
Cello: Because, well, a violin is, like, a small instrument... and a cello is so much bigger... and so it would be, just, so weird for the guy to be playing the small one like [high pitched imitation of violin playing, similar to Psycho] and she's all [deep gruff cello imitation].
Violin 1: Even weirder - if the girl plays double bass!
Girls: Whoa!!  That would be ridiculous!!

Of Stairs and Modesty

7-yr-old girl.  Her classroom is on the top floor of a 3-storey building with external stairs.  As we start descending the stairs on the way to her lesson, both of us bend to keep our skirts in place - the wind creates rather a 'Marilyn' effect and our hands rushed to our knees for modesty.

Girl: Ooh, I hate these stairs.  That always happens, and if there are boys behind, they can see our undies!  It's not very ladylike.
Me [smiling]: I agree.  That's not the kind of thing we want happening.
Girl [thoughtful]: Unless... Unless we were in a play, and we had to have that happen...
Me: I suppose...  But I'm not sure that's the sort of play we would really want to be in, do you?
Girl [rather primly]: No.  Of course not.  Not. Very. Ladylike.

Life's Disappointments - Valentine's Day

11-yr-old girl.

Girl: Ooh, I forgot, Happy Valentine's Day.
Me: Thank you!  But, you did wish me happy Valentine's in your last lesson [on Valentine's Day].
Girl [vaguely]: Did I?  Oh... [more energetically] One girl, she was saying to everyone, happy lonely day.  Hmph.  That's so... Ugh.  Well, I wasn't lonely.  I had about 6 people wish me happy Valentine's Day.  No-one gave me anything though.  Not even one little heart-shaped chocolate!!!  I know I shouldn't...
Me: It's not about stuff...
Girl: But, even just a little something would have been nice.  Well, I did get one, but I don't think it counts.
Me: Really?
Girl: Really.  Everyone in the school got the same thing.  It was from ISCF, and it was this little card, and it had in it blah blah blah... happy Valentine's day... blah blah blah... God loves you ... blah blah blah... Boring.  Have you ever had, like, a boyfriend give you a Valentine's day present?
Me [grimace]: Yeah... Um, not that special. [We both smile] Sometimes it's not all it's cracked up to be...
Girl: But, oh, you know, when I'm older and I have a boyfriend, like, when I'm ... 16...  Well, if he doesn't give me anything for Valentine's Day, then - it's off [little smile] - well, unless he has a really good reason.
Me: Like what?  If his... dog ate the card ... or something [she raises eyebrows] and then he just couldn't give it to you because you're worth more than that...?
Girl [gasp]: Awww [She looked really chuffed by this].  ... Have you ever had that happen?
Me: You mean, had a boyfriend who was going to give me a card but it got eaten by his dog so he couldn't give it to me...?
Girl: Yeah...
Me: Er... No...Not... that I'm aware...

Cowbell

8-yr-old boy, whose mum's family is from either Germany or Austria.  I was trying to pick the next piece for him to learn - usually we pick one he's doing in classroom music.  And, if you haven't seen the 'Needs More Cowbell' music video on Youtube, do...

Me: Can you sing me a song you're learning at school?
Boy sings half-heartedly, and I can't really pick the words or the melody.
Boy: Can we do a piece that I can do as a duet, with my mum?
Me: Of course!  That would be great!  Does your mum play violin too?
Boy: Uh-uh.  Cowbell.
Me [suppressing a giggle - see video]: Ah.  Okay.
Boy: Ummm ... Can we learn Edelweiss?
Me: Just a minute [I go through it in my head to see if he'll be able to play the whole thing].  Yes!
Boy: Yay.  I know my mum can play it, too. [He then proceeded to sing it in letternames for me - impressive, but we're in a different key].

I can't wait to hear this cowbell-violin duet, eventually.  His first play of it was not bad at all.

Cana-What?

Last year's Junior Quartet begged to continue, so this year I get to take 2 quartets.  The continuing quartet started their rehearsals this morning.

Me: Does anyone have any requests for pieces you want to do? [A few suggestions were mentioned]
Cello: Oh!  Can we do that Mexican piece?
Me: Which one would that be?
Cello giggles, and tries to sing and play at the same time.
Me: The Mexican Hat Dance?
Girls: Yeah!  Oh yeah, let's do that one!  Can we?
Me: Sure.  You know, Mr B actually has it for string quartet already.  We use it for the mariachi band.
Cello [a bit shocked]: Is he Mexican?
Violin 1: Is he the tall one?
Me: Yes.  And, yes.
Cello: Is he really?! I thought he was from Canadia.
Me [smiling]: Um...
Violin 2: He's - what did you say?!
Cello: Oh NO!  Who says that?!  Where did I even come up with that?!  Oh how embarrassing.

Looking Forward To

Girl in grade 12.  I'm wearing nail polish.  I point to something on her page of music.

Girl: Oh!  Oh!  Guess what I'm looking forward to most about finishing school?
Me: .. umm...
Girl: I know this is weird.  But - nail polish!  I am so looking forward to wearing nail polish, like, all the time.
Me: I know what you mean. ... You realise you'll probably get sick of it in about a month, right?
Girl: Doesn't matter.  I can't wait.

Not So Rockin'

New Junior Quartet started this morning (all grade 5 girls, aged 9-10).  Three of them were in the junior string ensemble (called Vivo) last year, but they're all in the next one up this year, called Corelli.  The following was actually heard in the real time of grade 5 girls, who don't wait for one to finish before jumping in and telling me their own version, but for ease of writing and reading, I've separated them a bit.

Viola:  Oh my goodness, Corelli is so hard!  The music -
Violin 2: It's so much harder than Vivo.
Cello: We're doing this piece, and it's, just, there was this one bar -
Violin 1: I was in it last year... I don't think it's that hard...
Cello: So, this piece has one bar - [general giggling] - no!  I mean, ha - that would be funny, if it was just this one bar for the whole piece -
Viola [demonstrating in a very 'viola' fashion]: blah... blah ... blah ... blah...
Cello: No, I mean, okay, so  - oh, the piece, it's called Rockin' Rondo - which, by the way, it is soooo not rockin' - and...

And after that they got even more distracted with playing different bits of music and having music fall off the stand... etc... etc...

The Blues

8-yr-old girl.  We were looking at a new piece, called "I Got Those Fiddle Blues".

Girl: What does the name mean?
Me: I was just about to ask you!  Do you know what it means if you have the blues?
Girl: Um, you go blue in the face?
Me [laughing]: Ah, no.  Well, probably not.  If you have the blues then you're a bit sad, so when you play this piece it should sound a bit sad, too.

Metronomes

8-yr-old boy is really unenthusiastic about violin (his dad makes him have lessons).  Last week, I said he needed to get acquainted with a metronome - best thing ever.  He loves it, I think because he gets to use his dad's phone, and he uses it every time he practices.  We put it on today, for a Minuet by Bach which has ta = 100-115 at the top.

Boy: I don't know what the hundred means.
Me: See how there's a ta there?  So you put your metronome onto to 100, and that's the same as your ta beat.
Boy: Oh.  [plays a bit] But that's so fast!
Me: Well, as you've only had this piece a week, we could make it a little bit slower.  Let's try 90. [Boy adjusts metronome, and we play a few phrases at that speed.  The opening passage is a bit of a challenge though].
Boy: Oh but it's so fast.  This piece is so hard!
Me: You know, we could put the metronome on even a bit slower.  Your examiner won't have their own metronome on, saying "Ahem, it's meant to be 100 and you're only playing it at 99".  If it was on.. 60... Then they might say it's a bit slow.
[Boy changes tempo to 81.  We play a bit more].
Boy [grinning cheekily]: Good thing we didn't make it 80.  They'd probably say something then.

The Problem Bit

15-yr-old girl is a boarder, from Hong Kong.  During the holidays she has lessons with her teacher over there, who usually gives her some new music.

Me: Which piece do you want to play for me first?
Girl: This one.  It's ... um... well, it's mostly okay.
Me: Mostly?
Girl: Well, it's just ... this bit... [pointing to the whole of the second page].
Me [laughing]: That's half the piece.
Girl [indignant]: But it's so high!  And fast!

On My Holidays - Weird Weather

First week back, and I ask nearly every student how their holidays were.  This conversation was with a 7-yr-old girl, who is still young enough to tell stories in a very dramatic way (one parent I know blames this on the Wiggles).

Me: How was your holiday?
Girl: It was ... SO ... GOOD!!
Me: Ooh - what did you do on your holidays?
Girl: Well... Okay, first, we went to Stradbroke Island for... about 2 weeks ... I think.  Oh, and then we went CAMPING!  It was... It was so cool.
Me: So you pretty much spent the whole holidays outside?
Girl [grinning]: Yep.  Oh, and then we went to Sydney!  For a wedding. 
Me: Oh how exciting.  Did you wear a pretty outfit?
Girl: Yes.  Well.  Um.  Yes.  But - when we were there - it was cold.  It was really strange...
Me: I know what you mean!  I was in Melbourne for a few days, and one day it was 39 degrees-
Girl [shocked]: Whoa!!
Me: -and then the next day it was only 20 degrees.  So I went from really cool clothes to jeans and a jumper.
Girl [slowly]: That is ... So... Weird...

Which One is D?

8-yr-old girl.  Not the most organised child...  Didn't have any time on the holidays to do any practice.  Obviously forgot a few essentials.

Me: Just to check you haven't forgotten too much... [she giggles guiltily] Let's have the D major scale.  [blank look] It's the do re mi- you know, goes up then down one step at a time.  Violin on shoulder.
Girl [sets up her posture relatively nicely]: Ummm - where does it start?
Me: The D major scale is going to start on D.  Do you remember where D is?
Girl [looking awkward]: ummm...
Me [loud whisper]: It's the string second from the left.
Girl [looks awkward]: ummm... which one is the left...?
Me: Oh dear.  Start on this string.

Once she got going, she was fine.  Thank goodness.

The Castle

15-yr-old girl.  We'd stopped playing for some reason.

Girl: Ooh, can I ask you something, like, totally off-topic?
Me: Um, sure...
Girl: Okay, well, have you seen the movie, The Castle?  From, like, 1997?
Me [smiling]: Yes.
Girl [really enthusiastically]: We watched it on the weekend.  It is so funny!  Now I know where all the things my dad say are from.  It was hilarious!!! [It's true - her dad is very Castle-like].  And the narrator - like, "My brother and I are really close. 
- How's dad?
- Good.
- How's mum?
- Good.
- How are you?
- Aright."
So funny!!

Major Disaster

Discussing intervals with a 10-yr-old.  We'd talked 'perfect'.  Now for major and minor.

Me: So, if we forget this is music, what's major?  Like, a major ... disaster [the recent events of our country at the forefront of my mind].
Girl [quite seriously]: Bad.  Really bad.
Me: What if it was... um... they're all negative examples in my head... Okay.  What about a minor problem?  What would that be?
Girl: Not good.  But small.
Me [relieved]: Yes.  Minor is small, major is big.

Trampoline Size

11-yr-old viola student.  Wet hair.

Me: Is your hair wet because you've been swimming, or because you've been running around in the rain?
Girl: Um... I was jumping on the trampoline.  With my friend.  In the rain.  [Grinning]  It was fun.
[Later] We were jumping with washing detergent on the trampoline.
Me [not exactly sure what she meant]: Could you explain that one?
Girl: There was a trampoline.  It had washing detergent on it.  And it was raining.  We were jumping.  It was slippery...  Oh, and the trampoline is puny.  Like, the same size as that table.  ... Oh... wait... No, it's a bit bigger.  Like, maybe 4 times bigger. [Starting to giggle uncontrollably] Or even 5 times bigger.
Me: Mm, good size estimation there.

I did point out (while she recovered from that batch of giggles) that I was glad she had survived with no injured extremities or trips to the hospital.