The Chatterbox (2)

At the end of the last ensemble for the year, this 9-yr-old girl approached me.

Girl: So... [matter-of-fact] You must be happy you don't have to deal with us any more.
Me [smiling]: Actually, I really enjoy taking this group.  It is a lot of fun.
Girl [in that awkward way*]: Umm... Yeah.  What I really meant was, you must be happy you don't have to deal with C the Chatterbox anymore.
Me: Umm ......... Yes.  [Entertaining as this kid is, there's only so much rehearsing one can do with that level of chatter].


*That awkward way of showing, I was trying to be tactful, but now you're going to make me come right out and say it, aren't you?!

Feet

Quartet rehearsal this morning.  Just beginning, and the cellist starts trying to play and untie her right shoelace at the same time. 

Cello: Agh!  It's just... um... agh... too hot... agh... [shoe comes off]  Oh, can I go, like, really quickly, to the bathroom?  Please?
Me: Be really quick.  [cello gets up] Do you realise you've...
Cello: Yep.  I'm going to be really quick so no-one sees me looking like a dork.
Viola [giggling]: That looks so weird.  But it's kinda like me.  I sleep that way.
Me: With one shoe...?
Viola: No, with one foot under the covers and the other one out.
Violin 1: I often sleep with both feet out.
Viola: Yeah, my mum says I've done this, like, forever.  Unless it's really hot, and then I'm just, like, [thrashes around in her chair] AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!! and both feet stay out.
Cello [returning, all business]: Okay, I don't think anyone saw me.  [everyone's looking at her].  What?

This is not the first One Shoe On episode from this cellist.  I found out at the end that she has an ingrown toenail, which is why she keeps wanting that shoe off.

Viola Clef

11-yr-old viola student picked out a new piece.  A bit more advanced than her previous pieces, it included a treble clef.

Girl [pointing]: What's that?!
Me: That's a treble clef, you know about these.  You see them in music at school.
Girl: But what's it doing in my music???
Me: Well, it's just to stop us using, like, fifteen ledger lines.
Girl: But I just want the back-to-front three.
Me [slowly]: Vi-o-la clef.
Girl [stubbornly]: Back-to-front three.
Me: Viola clef.
Girl [posh voice]: Well, it might be ... that... in fancy-pants language, but I call it the back-to-front three.
Me: Vi-o-la clef.  Um... How do you write your threes?
Girl [pauses]: Oh.  Oh.  [giggles] How embarrassing.  I mean, a back-to-front 'S'.
Me [starting to giggle]: How do you write an 'S' then?
Girl [getting a bit flustered]: Um.  I mean.  Agh!  Just get it out of here!!!

Movember

It's Movember.  This time last year, I had this conversation with two 10-yr-old girls.

Girl 1: That looked like Mr S...
Girl 2: Yeah, I think it was him, but with a beard.
Girl 1 [with total disgust, face squished up]: Ergh.  Who would grow a beard in November?
Me: Well, it's Movember.
Girl 2 [odd look on her face - not sure if she's misheard me or if I don't know how to say the name of this month properly]: But... it's so hot.  Wouldn't it just be ... so... ergh... ??
Me: A lot of men grow beards in Movember.
Girl 2 [slightly awkward]: Ummm... Why would they do that in [carefully] No-vem-ber?
Me: Because it's Mo-vem-ber. 
Girls: Huh?
Me: Men grow their moustaches and beards this month to raise money for .... ah... men's health.
Girls: Ohhh...
Girl 2: Well, that's okay then.  So long as it's for a good cause.  I feel sorry for his wife though - a whole month of [in disgust] that!

Five Husbands - Status

The girl who thinks I have five husbands was working very hard on a piece - and nothing had been mentioned about my Other Life (if it really is...), so I wasn't prepared.

Girl: Um, Miss M...?
Me: Yes?
Girl: Oh wait... should I call you Miss M or Mrs M?
Me: Why ... would you call me... Mrs M? [as soon as I finish this sentence, I know what's around the corner]
Girl [in the super-slow, "I can't believe I have to explain this to you" way particular to 11-yr-old girls]: Because you have five husbands.  Duh.

Face palm...

Concerts

11-yr-old girl, in the middle of playing something, stopped and asked, rather urgently:

Girl: Oh!  Did you go to the Coldplay concert?
Me: Um...No... Did you?
Girl [dejected]: No...  So now I have to wait another 3 years for the next one. 
Me: Ah, yeah... that's really ... sad...
Girl [energetic again]: Ooh, One Direction?
Me: Ah, no.  You?
Girl [shaking head]: No.
Me: Is this a sad shake of your head?
Girl [surprised]: Yes!
Me: Um... Okay... That's... sad... for you... I guess.

She shook her head in a "You've just got no idea but I'm an 11-yr-old girl so you should listen to me" way, and kept playing from where she'd left off before. 

Book Critic

I teach a pair of brothers on Saturday mornings.  While I was teaching the younger, the dad handed one of my books (This is Your Brain on Music, by Daniel Levitin) to the older boy, who's about 14.  At the end, I heard this:

Dad: What do you think of the book?
Boy: meh... it's ... [insert teenage mumbling]
Dad [all enthusiastic]: It's written by a neurologist, about the different ways your brain connects neurons.
Boy [dismissively]: Yeah... he could have done better with metaphors.
Dad's jaw drops.

Birthdays and Getting Old

Girl:  Oh wow.  I just realised, when I see you next time, I'll be old!  It's my birthday next week.
Me: Ooh, what day?
Girl: Wednesday.  I'm turning 15, so I'll be old.
Me: Okay... [We talked a bit about birthday activities]
Girl: We've got so many tests next week, but none on my birthday -
Me: That was nice of them.
Girl: But there are four the next day.  Oh, and mum had me sign this Medicare thing -
Me: Wow, you are getting old!
Girl: - and I just signed it -
Me: Ooh, you should always check what you're about to sign.
Girl: I know!  But mum just went, like, agh! [high pitched 'mother' voice] You should always read it first before you sign! [normally] But I'm, like, you're my mum, I should be able to trust you!
Me: One would hope so, anyway.  So, why is 15 classified as 'old' now?
Girl: Well, because I'm born in November, I'm older than most of the girls in my grade, so they're all teasing me, saying 15 is half-way to 30... which it is... So I'll be old soon... [sad face]

Sight Reading

One of my little grade 3s is doing really well.  I had some Shostakovich duets on my table, and I decided to give her the first one (the first phrase or so) for some sight reading.  It's mostly do-able in first position, but it also has a high C#, and an A#.  Not notes she's actually learned how to play before.

Me: Okay, I want you to play from the beginning - no, you don't have to count those bars rest, just start from the beginning of the notes.  And play until there [about 8 bars].  So, what's the key signature?
Girl: F# and C#. 
Me: Do is?
Girl: D.
Me: Good.  Have a bit of a look... think through the rhythm... see if you have any questions... [girl obviously plays through in her head, then gets ready to play].  Oh.  Do you have any questions?
Girl: Ah, no... [like that was a really silly question on my part]
Me [pointing to the C#]: So, how are you going to play this note?
Girl: Isn't that just, like, like a 4th finger that's extra high?
Me [impressed]: Yep.  How about this note? [pointing to the A#]
Girl: Shouldn't that be..well, it's a 3rd finger, but it's not friends with 2 anymore but friends with 4?
Me: Okay, so you really didn't have any questions... Let's hear it.

She played it really well.  Counting included!  One very happy teacher.

Magic Elves

8-yr-old boy's last lesson for the year.  I teach his older sister, too, but she hasn't been able to come to the last few lessons.

Me: So, this is your last lesson for the year.  Would you like a Magic Elf? [like a Freddo frog, but with tingly bits in it - and shaped like an elf, obviously]
Boy [eyes lighting up]: Ooh, yes please!
Me: If I gave you another one, would it make its way to H?
Boy [head to one side, thinking about this seriously]: Ummm... Only if you give me 4.
Me: 4?!
Boy: Yeah... You know how C and I are as well, if I come home with 2 then they'll all want one!

He had a point.  He was the only to get a Magic Elf.

Five Husbands - Occupations

At the start of the last holidays, the girl who thinks I have five husbands sent me an email.  Rather sweet, but it made me curious - what do my five husbands do???  First lesson back, I asked her.

Girl [a bit slowly, like she's memorised a speech]: Harry is an actor.  Tom is a ... builder.  Andrew is an architect - I think.  Yep, architect.  Tim is a teacher, and Sebastian is a conductor.  [In her normal conversational style]  Wow, you must be loaded!
Me: Only if they share. ... Maybe I could quit my job then?
Girl [look of horror on her face]: But - but - ... No. 

Thunder and Lightning

Today there was quite a storm, while I was teaching an 11-yr-old viola student.  Thankfully, she had an hour lesson - we would have had about a half hour of productive time.

[Rather large rumble of thunder]
Girl: Ummm... is that thunder?  Or is it a wheelie bin?
Me: It's thunder.
Girl [as the rumbling gets quite loud]: Are you sure?
Me: ... Yes.  Quite sure. [more thunder]
Girl: God just dropped a bowling ball... [flash of lightning] and hit a lamp... [thunder] which then shattered...
Me: Let's just play from bar 9... [thunder]
Girl: He must be taking out the wheelie bin... [thunder]... He dropped the bins [clap of thunder]...an apple core must have fallen out of the wheelie bin...

There was much screaming, jumping (from both of us), running to the windows, and ooohhhhh...  I think she likes storms, in the same way you like a horror movie.

How Does It Go?

10-yr-old girl, just started learning a new piece a week or two beforehand.

Me: Let's have Carnival of Venice.
Girl [all set up and ready to play]: I forgot how it goes...
Me: Well, when you're at home and forget how it goes, what do you do?
Girl: I normally listen to it on Youtube.
Me: So, what would you do if you had no internet [her jaw drops], no computer [oh the horror!], just you?
Girl [pauses, face recovers]: You know, I remember how it goes again now.

Lucky for her, she got it right.

D C al Fine

8-yr-old boy, playing a piece with D. C. al Fine written at the end.  He did what he was meant to do (go back to the beginning and play until Fine), but I wanted to check he knew what it was called.

Me [pointing to the instruction]: At the end, what do you do?
Boy [sounding like and Aussie]: Dee-cal fine.  You go to there [points to top of piece], do the first line and 2 bars and then stop.
Me: Do you know what the D.C. actually stands for? [I point my index fingers on my head]
Boy: Use your brain?

I then did what I normally do - Da Capo, you can see the word 'cap' in Capo, you put your cap on your head, capo means head, fine means finish... But I did like his response.  One should always use one's brain.

Stressed

Grade 3 girl.  I'd just picked her up from her class.

Me: How are you?
Girl: Stressed.  Do I look stressed?  I'm really stressed.
Me: Oh no!  Why are you stressed?
Girl: My little brother said he would shoot me.  With his Nerf gun.
Me: ...Why...?
Girl: Well, I took in some Dr Seuss books to school, and he said if I don't bring them all back, he'd shoot me.  But, mum said it was okay for me to take them in, so obviously she didn't tell him that.  So, I took 4 in [she names 3 - sorry I forget which ones they are] but I can only find those 3... The problem is, I have no idea which one the 4th book is.  So I'm guessing I'm going to be shot.  With a Nerf gun.  By a 4-yr-old.  Probably in the eye.
Me: In the eye???
Girl: Well on the weekend, J came over, and he shot her in the eye. 
Me: Maybe your brother shouldn't be aiming guns at people's faces?
Girl: Oh it was an accident.  He'd already aimed when she stood in front of him and was, like, what? and he just... fired... So now I know ... that he knows... how much that can hurt... so I have to find that last book so I can take it back home so I don't get shot by my annoying little brother, in the eye, with a Nerf gun.  Can you see why I'm stressed???

Mm, Good Maths

A grade 11 girl, with an accounting exam straight after her lesson.  Working on the 2nd violin part of the 2nd movement of Bach's Brandenburg Concerto #3, which is in compound duple time.  The last bar has 2 tums (dotted crotchets) - she wasn't playing either of them long enough.

Me: How many tis fit into these notes?
Girl: [promptly]: One and a half.
Me: If we were counting tas, sure.  How many tis fit into a tum?
Girl: Two [I shake my head]... Four [I shake my head again]
Me [pointing to the 6 in the time signature, rather pointedly]: How many tis in every bar?
Girl [pausing]: Ummm... 6?
Me: And if this bar has 2 notes of equal rhythm, they have to have the same number of tis, right? [girl nods slowly] - So, what's 6 divided by 2?
Girl [promptly]: Four.
Me: Good luck with that accounting exam.
Girl: Oh.  I mean three.  I told you I'm not good with numbers!

Accent

Teaching a girl in grade 1, whose maternal grandparents are Greek, we came across an accent (>).

Me: This is what we call an accent.  Do you know what an accent is?
Girl [looking at me oddly, raised eyebrow]: Ummm, yeah...
Me: Oh good - what is it? [As soon as I finished that sentence I could see where her brain was going with this but couldn't do anything to stop it]
Girl [in all seriousness, with appropriate hand gestures]: It's-a when you talk-a like-a thisss....a...

Both her mum and I lost it.  Eventually, we calmed down enough to explain this other type of accent.

Chatterbox

At the start of ensemble rehearsal, one of the cellists (who sits inside 2nd desk) came up to me.

Girl [smiling nervously]: Um... Can I ask you a question? 
Me: Sure, what is it?
Girl: Well... and I'm pretty sure you're going to say no...
Me [suspicious]: Uh huh...
Girl: But I want to ask you anyway.
Me: Okay. [wait]
Girl: Is there any chance I can sit next to G today?
Me: Umm...
Girl: It's just that, um, you might have noticed, I sit next to... um [tries to find a polite way to say this] well, um, she's a bit of a chatterbox. [No kidding.  Chattiest child in the room, ever].
Me [trying not to smile too much]: Ah, yes... I had noticed that.  G would have to sit in the back row with you though - have you asked her if it's okay?
G [jumping into view at hearing her name]: What do I have to do?
Girl: Sit next to me, so... the chatterbox... can be not next to me.
Me: So we'd have S and C [the chatterbox] in the front, and the 2 of you at the back.

G was fine with it, and it turned out to be really good for C to sit right under my nose.  Of course, it meant I had one very energetic (and thankfully, very capable) cellist sitting next to a very energetic and chatty cellist...  But the chatterbox didn't move her chair around or move over to talk to the double bass or run outside randomly or any of the other things she does that are not sitting quietly.

Cartwheels

As a grade 4 boy was leaving his lesson:

Boy: Mum?
Mother: Yes dear?
Boy: How long until we get home?
Mother: About 30 minutes.
Boy: Oh good!  When we get home, I want to show you my cartwheels!

???  Interesting kid, this one. 

Gathering Instruments

Because double basses are large, the kids usually use a school instrument for rehearsals.  If the string director hasn't brought it down before my rehearsal, I'm begged by a few girls if they can please go and get the double bass.  Today, one of my viola players got in first - and I said yes.  Once it was present, we had the following:

Viola: Okay, where do I put it? [we had a different orientation for our set up today]
Me: Over there [pointing to the double bass stool]
Viola [from about a metre further to the right than she needed to be]: Um, where do I put the double bass?
Me [slowly]: Over there... Right next to the double bass stool.
Viola [looks around, almost does a 360 degree turn, eventually spots the stool, puts down the bass].
Double bass: Um, can I go and get the right bow?  This is... just ... it's wrong.  It's the wrong bow.
Me: Yep, go.
Double bass [dramatically]: Thank you.
Viola [looking at me rather blankly, eventually says]: Oh.  I need a viola.  I was so busy getting the double bass, I forgot I need my viola for this.  Can I go and get my viola?
Me [a little dumbfounded]: Ah... yes...  It does help. [Thinking - oh she's such a viola player!!!]

What Dad Does

It's a long walk from the junior school classrooms to my teaching room.  On the way, I was talking with a grade 3 girl, and she mentioned her dad having to work on Saturday.

Me: What does your dad do?
Girl: Well, when people are about to go into surgery, he knocks them out by hitting them on the head with a hammer.  And when they're done, he wakes them up with a coffee.
Me: So ... he's an anaesthetist?
Girl: Yeah... but I prefer saying he knocks them out with a hammer!

Mahler's Tenor Horns

This grade 11 girl went to the Mahler 7 concert recently, equipped with the score and friends with the score.

Girl [in lesson]: I just don't understand why Mahler uses the tenor horn there.  It makes no sense.  You can't hear it... wait... tenor horn? [she pulls out her phone and checks the score on her phone - yes, really]. Yeah.  Tenor horn.  I mean, really!

At lunch, she barged into my room.

Girl [quite excited]: I had a realisation!  I worked out why Mahler uses the tenor horn.  It's for [pauses slightly] Dramatic Effect.  .... Yeah!

Mango Yoghurt

This particular 8-yr-old boy is usually really good (ie focused) for about 20 minutes, sometimes 25... and then he starts to get a bit silly, and in recent weeks has ended the lesson talking in a made up language (of which I think there are 3 in his repertoire).  Today he walked into the lesson talking in a made up language, and he didn't switch to his focused self for very long at a time.  By the time he was packing up, I realised what I should have asked at the beginning.

Me [lightbulb]: Ah - what did you have for afternoon tea?
Boy [mumbles]
Me: Chocolate?  Is that what you said?  You had chocolate for afternoon tea?  That explains a lot...
Boy: No... Yoghurt.
Me: Yummmm.
Boy: Mango yoghurt.
Me: Double yum!
Boy: .... aaaannnnd ... I had a lot of it...

Five Husbands - Names

I thought it high time I find out the names of the men to whom I'm married.  I suspect this girl had already thought about this, because she came straight out with this:

Girl: Tim
Me: He's my favourite, right?
Girl: Yep.  Tim, Tom... Harry... Andrew and Sebastian.

And then she drew this on the board for me

... except she wrote my full last name [edited for the whole internet thing], started with Tim but ran out of space at the bottom, and we had a little discussion as to the spelling of Sebastian - I won. 

Sugar

11-yr-old, 9:30 am lesson, the morning after Speech Night (her first).

Girl [energetically]: Guess what I had for breakfast?  Oh and by the way I'm really tired... So for breakfast I had a pop tart, and toast, and nutrigrain.
Me [enthusiastically]: Oh goody, sugar!
Girl [grinning like this is the best morning ever]: Yep!  And [drooling-ly, spreading out the word] avocado...
Me: Yum!
Girl: It was soooo good.

Evil Fish

I picked up a grade 3 boy from art today.  Incidentally, this was my first ever case of me asking for a particular child, and the teacher responding with "Yes!  ...good luck..."

Me: What were you working on in art?
Boy: We're painting schools of fishes, and they all have to swim that way [arms point to the right].  So I asked Mrs C if we could have an evil fish going that way [one index finger points to the left].
Me: What did she say?
Boy: Well, she said it was okay to have a fish swimming that way [left]... but not an evil fish.
Me: Okay... How would you paint an evil fish, anyway?
Boy [like, duh]: With its eyebrows pointing down.  And all the other fish are blue, but the evil fish is red.

So, beware red fish.