How To Play a Tango

This is not really a quote, but I'm including it anyway.  Junior Quartet [with no viola].  They'd played a piece I'd arranged for them, a tango.  It was okay, but not very tango-like.

Me: How could you play this more like a tango?
Violin 1 does a sharp breath in through her nose, stands up very straight with her bow in her mouth like it is a rose, and starts doing tango-style steps around her chair.
Violin 2 sees that, and puts her bow in her mouth as well, and does similar moves.
Cello then puts her bow in her mouth and dances with her cello with ballroom dancing-style moves.

I try not to laugh too much as I can see a potential disaster.
Me: Um... Okay.  Bows out of mouths.  So that's how we could act a tango.  How does that work in playing a tango?
Violin 1 [taking out her bow, sitting down]: Ooh!  Like this-
She sits down, her back over-arched, and does strong full bows with her bow in the air, sharply inhaling and exhaling with every stroke, and a slight torso movement side to side.

Me: Exactly.

The great thing about this quartet is that, although they are not very focused for very long, they work hard when they are switched on, and they practice!  Once we've discussed how to make something better, they then do it and (usually) remember for the next time.

Andante - What It Sounds Like

Going through some musical terms with an 11-yr-old girl.

Me: What does Andante mean?
Girl: I have no idea.
Me: Take a guess.  What does it sound like?  [slowly] An-dahn-tay.
Girl [skeptical]: Like an aunt?
Me: Er - nooo... [I do the 'let your fingers do the walking' thing with my fingers]
Girl: Creepy?
Me: Ahem.  Walking.  My fingers are walking.  Andante is walking pace.

Such a Cute Niece

I recently put up a photo of each of my nieces and nephews (5 in total).  They're all pretty cute, but the photo of the younger niece is totally sweet.  12-yr-old girl (with a short attention span - and her mum knows this so the girl has a slightly longer lesson each week) comments on it every week.

Girl: Awww!!!  That- she's so... cute!!!  That basketball - will you play with me?  Awww...  And just looking up, like, oh.  So. Sweet.
Me: Yeah, she is pretty cute.
Girl: How old is she?
Me: In that photo she's 18 months.
Girl: And the rest of them!  So cute!  Aww - who's the little guy at the end?
Me: That's A - the lower 4 photos were all taken at his 2nd birthday party.
Girl: Ohhh - and who's the sweet little girl hiding behind the tree?
Me: That's his big sister, C, who's 4-
Girl: And the [giggle] kid with blue paint?
Me: That's H - and it's not paint, it's icing [girl raises eyebrows] - kids like blue icing.  On birthday cakes.  Especially boys.
Girl: Okay, that's pretty cute.  And the-
Me: That's the oldest, O - that was taken last year, but he's just turned 7 now.
Girl: Oh, nice.  And- [shaking head] wow.  She's just... so... cute... And she looks a little bit like you.
Me [raised eyebrows]: Um...
Girl: Well, you know, you've got darker hair... and yours is a bit longer and all.  Oh, and you're taller.  Obviously.  And you're not holding a basket ball that's, like, half your size.  Practically.  And you're not wearing a sweet little pink dress and oh look at the shoes!  They're so-
Me: Yeah, they are pretty sweet.  Ahem - could you play that piece now please?
Girl: What?  Oh.  I guess- agh! She'ssocute!  Okay.  Focus.  Right.

Last Week, At Music Camp

11-yr-old girl was away one week because she was on music camp - one that requires an audition, and the honours camp gets to go away to music camp for a whole week.  It's exciting.  She also just got a new violin, about 4 weeks beforehand.  The week after camp, in her lesson:

Girl: Oh yeah, last week at music camp-
Me: Oh!  I forgot!  How was it?
Girl [smiling]: It was really good... But, my peg... broke.  Like, um... [demonstrates a really stiff tuning peg being moved] yeah.  Snapped.
Me: Wow.  That doesn't happen often.
Girl: I asked the guy if he could fix it, but [disdainfully] he said he couldn't, we'd have to take it back to the shop we bought it from, so they could... get me a new one?
Me: Yep.  They'll have to take it out and - well, you can't really fix them.  Once they're snapped, they're snapped.  You'll need a new one.  How many weeks have you had this violin, anyway?
Girl: Like, four. ... Or so.
Me: Will your mum be able to take it in this afternoon?
Girl [raised eyebrow, shaking head]: No.  Um, no.  Oh, and then, the day of the concert, my chin rest fell off.  But that was easy to fix.
Me: Oh.  So, apart from your violin falling apart, was the rest of it okay?
Girl: Yeah, it was really good.  Well, actually...  It was a bit boring.  All we did was play, and eat.  But the playing bit was good.
Me: What music did you play?
Girl: Well, we played this piece by Adele... And a thing from Carmen... Arra-jonny-aze [actually, Aragonaise]
Me: Can you sing it for me?
Girl [singing and humming]: Da da da da da [etc - I almost picked up the tune].... [faster, in time, head bopping] nn pluck pluck nn pluck pluck nn pluck pluck

I guess she was in second violins.

Biggest Instrument

On Wednesday, the grade 3s had their first ever concert (for their parents).  The next day, I was talking with a violinist from the junior quartet (grade 5).

Girl: How was the grade 3 concert?
Me: It was good.
Girl: Now, be honest - did some of them sound terrible?
Me: Ummm... I don't think so... But I couldn't hear all of them, so I can't say with certainty.
Girl: Oh, now, are they going to play for the grade 2s at the end of the year?
Me: Yes.
Girl: Man, I loved that!  It got me so pumped up!  I really wanted to play the double bass.  I wanted to play the biggest instrument in the class.
Me: So, uh, how's that working out for you?
Girl: Yeah.  Not so great.

The Thumb Joke

12-yr-old girl.  Her posture was not as good as it should be, very tight and squeezy, so she had her thumb clenched up to her hand (like a Stop sign).

Me: Hand down. [she straightens her wrist but is still quite tense].  Floppy.  [I tried to open up the gap between her thumb and hand].  What's this?  What's this doing here?
Girl [bewildered]: I... I don't know.... I've always had a thumb there....

We both laughed.  A lot. 

Questioning Her Mental Capacity

One of my students is now at university, and was telling me about another girl in one of her lectures. 

Girl: ... And she, just, like, constructed a fort from tables and chairs.  For no apparent reason.
Me: Why?
Girl: No idea.
Me: ... Does she do architecture? [no] Engineering? [no] So... why?
Girl: I have no idea.  But, we think she might have some... mental problems... I mean, she likes One Direction and Justin Bieber so I do question her mental capactity.

Gold.

Shoulder Devil

One of my junior quartet violinists came to see me first thing this morning - before rehearsal - to organise a lesson time for the first week back.  The violist came in as well.

Violin: So, can I organise a lesson time?
Me: Sure.  What time would you like?
Violin [looking at the blank page]: Ummm...
Me: Really, you can have pretty much any time.  Does Tuesday work for you - same day as quartet?
Violin: Yes.  That would be good.  Umm...
Viola [peering over her shoulder]: You should do 12:30.  Then you don't have to last until lunch.
Violin [shaking her off]: No.  Um.
Me: Do you want 12:30?
Violin: No.  Um.  When else would be good...
Viola [whispering]: 12:30 12:30 12:30 12:30 12:30 12:30
Violin [actually batting her away]:  No, not 12:30.
Me: When would you like then?  Before morning tea?  Before lunch?
Viola: 12:30 12:30 12:30 12:30 hee hee hee I'm like [giggle] one of those [giggle] shoulder angels... oh wait... um... shoulder... devil...
Violin: Could I have... 9...?  Or 9:30...?
Me: Sure - which one?
Viola: Pick whichever one you want [whispering] 12:30 12:30 [normal] pick whichever one [whispering] 12:30 12:30 12:30
Violin: Agh!  Um -
Viola:  Pick whichever one you want [whispering] 12:30 12:30
Violin: Oh shush!  9:30 please.

The Art Critic

9-yr-old boy.  I started a painting which now stands at the top of the stairs, in the living room.  It has a violinist in it.

Boy: Um, Anna?  Is this you?
Me: Er- not really.  But it looks more like me than any other violinist I know, so maybe.
Boy [looking closer]: It's not a very good bow hold...
Me: Well, it's pretty small.  Have you tried to paint a bow hold that small?  With not a tiny paintbrush?  Trust me, it's not easy.
Boy: The left hand has a pretty good shape to it... I think...  [peering more closely] It's a bit hard to tell though...  But that sky is really cool!
Me: Phew.  Thanks!

A Mob Hit

12-yr-old girl arrives, with her violin case under one arm. 

Me: Hi, how are- is it safe?  You're not going to shoot me, are you?
Girl [giggling]: No, I'm not, I mean - no.  Does it look like it?
Me: You don't have a machine gun hiding in there or anything?
Girl [narrowing eyes, starting to aim]: Er... [pauses like she's thinking about it] No. 

Later, she noticed my globe, which uses different stones for the different countries.  It used to live behind the TV but I moved it into the open.

Girl: That is so cool.  [flash of inspiration] You could use it to plan your next mob hit.
Me [blinking]: What? [obviously I'm old, and was thinking Mafia at this point]
Girl: You know, your next mob.  Like that guy, he organised that mob - where they all got together and they did that thing, and it was really cool, everyone just jumped up-
Me [penny dropping]: Oh, I ge-
Girl: And they all played together-
Me: You mean a flash mob.  Not the Mob, mob.
Girl: What?  Yeah, the mob.  The cool mob thing.
Me: Not the Mafia.
Girl [with the What's My Teacher Talking About look]: No.  What?
Me: After you came in here carrying your violin like that, I just- I had Mafia on the brain. 
Girl: No... But you should use this!  Get everyone playing violin, it would be so cool!

I guess she's onto my plans for world domination...

Ninja Moves

This morning, the junior quartet performed for the first time in junior schooling assembly.  We had a rehearsal beforehand.  Originally, I was told we could practice in the assembly hall, but yesterday one of the girls saw me and ran up, very serious and wide-eyed: dance club would be in the hall - and they have loud music.  I thought I might be able to use the music room by the hall, but this morning there was another group was rehearsing in there.  So, having found the cellist, I went to the music room by the front driveway and next to the music office.  Thankfully, the other girls saw us as they arrived.  Before I saw the viola arrive, I walked out to the drive to check something with the first violinist's mum.  Turning back, I saw a flash of white-socked leg run into the classroom.  I walked in...

Viola [jumping up from just under a desk]: AGH!!!!! [best approximation of a yell]
Me: Yep.  Hi.  I saw you run in here.
Viola: I'm practising ninja moves.
Cello: ... why...?
Viola: This morning, my mum, at breakfast, she was just standing there, and then [does a fast squat with arms crossed out the front] hai-YA!  I got, like, such a shock.  I was, like, mum?  What are you doing?  And she said, I'm practising my stealth ninja moves.  So then I did it, like this [pauses, looks focused, then just the arm movement] hai-YA!  But then, mum said she was about to have a shower, so I got to the bathroom before her, and I put on a shower cap, like this [mimes] and made it really tight around my head, and then I hid in the shower, so when she came in - [squat, arms,] hai-YA! and- OH!  OH!  I just had the best idea!  We could be, like, the ninja moves quartet!

As it turned out, there were far more ninja stealth moves in rehearsal than anybody wanted, as there were several flies just flying around and landing on their bows and fingers and music.  How to keep the adrenaline pumping.  And I am pleased to report they spoke their parts and played their music beautifully.  One very proud teacher here.

Are They Fishnets?

12-yr-old girl.

Girl: Ooh.  I love your stockings.
Me: Thanks.
Girl: Are they fishnets?
Me: Er - no.  Although I can - kinda - see how you got there.
Girl: They are, like, kind of see through-
Me: Yeah, but not in a net pattern. 
Girl [giggling]: Ha.  You could kinda see a fisherman using them to catch fish...
Me: Ugh!  Fishy smelling legs!
Girl [imitating a big gruff fisherman]: Oh!  These are great!  I've caught lots of fish in these... I think they'd make great stockings for my wife now.  Here you go, darl!
Me: Shudder.

You can see the stockings in question in today's post in my other blog.

Weird Teacher Behaviour

15-yr-old girl I teach at home also has lessons at school.  With someone I know.  This has been rather amusing for me.  At the very start of her lesson, not even unpacked, she starts with this.

Girl: OH!  Okay, today, something very weird happened.
Me: Oh no!  M [her younger sister] just started her lesson almost the same way.  Is your violin okay?
Girl: Oh yeah.  Ha!  Yeah it's fine.  Okay, well, Mr P, at lunchtime today, we could see him just ... walking... up and down... like this [she walked a couple of metres, her arms flapping gently like wings]
Me: Why... was he doing that?
Girl: I have no idea.  But it was really weird.
Me: Did you ask him why?
Girl: No.  My friend and I were on level 2, and he was on level 1, so he was, like, a long way - a long way - away.  I only saw this because my friend saw him, and said, hey C, you have to see this... So, could you please ask him why he was flapping like a bird at lunchtime today?
Me: Um, sure.

What Is A Dance?

Girl in grade 10.  Until recently, she has had a very uncommunicative kind of personality, but she is slowly coming out of her shell.  Today, we were working on a dance - and she was playing it like a girl.  Throughout this conversation I was drinking a cup of tea, and her responses were very prompt and sudden.

Me: What sort of piece is this? [sip]
Girl: Dance.
Me: Er - yes.  How are you- actually, different question.  What is a dance? [sip]
Girl: People jumping around. [I nearly sprayed her with tea]
Me: Okay.  Yes.  People jumping around.  How are you going to make it easy for them to land their feet at the right time?
Girl: Accent.  Start of bars.
Me: Yes.  So, do that!

A European Country

That's right, geography again.  A bottomless pit of amusement.  This was with an 11-yr-old girl, who is actually rather intelligent so I got an extra shock when she came out with this.

Me: This next piece [a one-line theme] is a really small bit of a really long piece... which is also a really famous piece.  Who wrote it?
Girl: Jo... han...ess... Brams.
Me: Okay, so in this language the 'ja' is a 'ya'... and the 'h' in the surname makes it more ahhh.
Girl: O...kay...
Me: So, where is he from?
Girl: Umm... Italy?
Me: Er - no.  It is a European country, though.
Girl: Umm...  France? [no] England? [no] Scotland?
Me: No, it's not an English speaking country.
Girl: Africa? [both of us gasp then laugh]
Me: No, Africa is not a country in Europe!
Girl: Oh no!  I can't believe I said that!  I have no idea.
Me: Germany.  Brahms was from Germany.

Violin Vs Choir Tour

9-yr-old boy, who doesn't like playing violin.  His dad comes to every lesson.

Dad: Now, next week there's a bit of a problem.  We won't be able to come to a lesson, because J will be on choir tour!
Me: Ooh, that's exciting.
Boy [whinging]: But I don't want to go on choir tour!
Dad: Well, I tell you what.  Next week, you don't have to come to violin.  How about that?
Boy: No!  Violin is much better than choir tour!
Me: Wow.
Dad: But - you've never been on a choir tour.  How would you know if you'll like it or not?
Boy: But I know I won't like it!  I want to do violin instead! [Really?  He must really not want to do this tour]
Dad: So maybe we should leave Toowomba really early on Saturday morning, and come back for a violin lesson, and then go back and join the tour again?

Poor kid.  Sounds like an awful weekend ahead for him.  Mwahahahaha.

It's Really Famous

Continuing Quartet.  First, we played Funiculi Funicula.  Quite slowly, but the whole piece, with only one stop near the beginning.

Cello: Man, we are going to have to get so much faster.
Viola: I swear, I have never heard this piece before.
Cello [dramatically]: Are you kidding me?  It is so famous!  Like, really famous!  [then, more subdued] Well... In Italy, anyway.
Viola: Oh great, in Italy.
Cello: Totally!  If we played this in Italy, they'd all be, like, we totally know this piece.  Everyone in Italy knows this piece, they're, like [sings a bit of the opening melody]... Yeah...  Famous.

Odd Sibling Behaviour

I picked up a grade 4 girl for her lesson today.  She has a sister - let's call her Alice - in grade 6, and they don't get on brilliantly.

Girl [surprised]: Alice is actually really nice.
Me [skeptical]: Alice - as in, your sister Alice?
Girl: Yeah, she got out of Japanese to come and see how I was.
Me: Did she?  Your sister came to see you?
Girl: Yeah.  She was seeing if I was okay.  F [in grade 3] hit me at morning tea today, and Alice was checking I was all right.
Me: Wow.  Are you okay?
Girl: Well, I still have a scratch on my face [still visible] and he hit my arm which is still sore-
Me: Which arm?
Girl: My right arm...
Me: Hm... This is your sister we're talking about, yes?
Girl: I know.  Weird, right?  Normally siblings... Well, they fight.  A lot.  They're not nice to each other. 

A Sore Lip

Taking a grade 3 girl back to class after her lesson today.

Girl: Oh, my lip really hurts!
Me: Why does your lip hurt?
Girl: I accidentally stuck a pin in it.
Me [gasping in sympathetic pain and covering my mouth]: Ouch!  Why did you stick a pin in your lip?
Girl: I didn't mean to, it was an accident.
Me: What sort of pin are we talking about?  A sewing pin?
Girl: No, one of those- [starts making jabbing motions with her hand] those-
Me: That looks like a vicious sort of pin...
Girl [laughing]: No... Um... A...  Oh. One of those pins that you use on the board.  That sort of pin.
Me [making a face]: Oh... That's not the best thing to do with those pins, you know.
Girl [still laughing]: I know!  I don't like those pins very much any more.

Being Jealous of Talented People

Junior Quartet this morning.  Yesterday the news broke that our first violinist is, very sadly, leaving the country in a few months. 

Girl: Who's going to replace Violin 1 when she goes?  Is it going to be a grade 5?  Is it going to be D?
Me: I've had a quick chat with Ms T, and we have an idea, but we can't tell you just yet. 
Violin 1: Is it going to be a grade 5?  Or a grade 4?
Violin 2: Please not a grade 4! Because I really don't want it to be L.Z. - I hate her!
Me [taken aback]: Wow.  But she's really nice, and really good at violin [one of those kids who just picks it up without any worries]
Violin 2 [agitated]: But I hate her!  I'm doing grade one piano, and she's doing grade FIVE!  It's just not fair!  Although, she is Chinese- [gasp]
Me: Wow. 
Violin 2: I'm so sorry-
Me: Mm, that's a bit racist...
Violin 2: I didn't- I mean, I- Oh you know what I mean, she's just so good.  And I'm not!

Sharps In Brackets

9-yr-old girl has just started learning a jazzy piece with lots of 'blue' notes.  It's in the key of A major (F#, C#, G#).

Me [pointing to the first C# in the piece]: Is this a high 2, or a low 2?
Girl [promptly]: High.  Because it's not got a natural, and it's a C, and there's a C# in the key signature.
Me [pointing to the C in the second bar]:  How about this one?
Girl [promptly]: Low. 
Me: Because?
Girl [like she's talking to someone a bit slow]: Because there's a natural in front of it, and that takes away the sharp.
Me: Good.  How about this second finger?
Girl: Umm..  High.  I think.  Why is the sharp in brackets?
Me: What do you think that means?
Girl: It's optional?
Me: Er- no.  Although I like the idea. But, can you imagine if you had a whole orchestra doing optional sharps?  [girl starts giggling] It would be madness! 
Girl [still giggling]: It would sound - blergh...
Me: Exactly.  So they're actually trying to be nice to you, because in the bar beforehand that note was natural. 
Girl: Oh.  And is that the same here and - wow.  They're everywhere!