Five Husbands - Developments

11-yr-old girl who thinks I have five husbands walks into her lesson, and has her phone with (thank you BYOT).

Girl: Sooo...? How's Tim?
Me: Good...
Girl: How's Andrew?
Me: Good... Still straight, as far as I know... Um, you'll have to let me know when that, you know, changes.
Girl: I'll let you know. 
[Some phone conversation happens - recordings and such].
Me: Right, phone away now.
Girl: Ooh, but-
Me [trying to get stern]: Away.  Now.
Girl: Ooh, but I just got a message!
Me [more stern]: Away.
Girl: But it's from Andrew!  He said - [concerned look on her face] - oh no!  He said, he's really sorry, but ... But... He's turned gay.
Me [breathing out]: Ah.  Okay.  Thank you for letting me know.
Girl [all concerned]: Are you okay?  I know this must be tough.
Me: Well, I had a little inkling this might happen soon.  And I imagine this will make my life a little easier... Right, scales!

Five Husbands - Care Factor

The week after the sneak peak into my future, 11-yr-old girl who thinks I have five husbands came into her lesson.

Girl: Soooo....?  How's Tim?
Me: Good...
Girl: How's Andrew?
Me: Good... Still straight...
Girl: How's Harry?
Me: Good.... He's still straight, too...
[awkward pause]
Me: Are you going to ask me about the- You've forgotten their names, haven't you?!
Girl: No, I just don't care about Sebastian and Tom any more.

Maybe I'll be down to a more normal number of husbands (you know, just one!) sooner than I thought.

Five Husbands - Sneak Peak (3)

Girl Who Thinks I Have Five Husbands gave me a sneak peak of the future (find part 1 here and part 2 here).  After the first 3 bombshells, she then gave a summary:

Girl [subdued, serious]: So... You should stick with Tim.  He's - he's a good one...
Me [smiling]: Uh huh.
Girl [grinning]: And keep your eye on Andrew and Harry!  Don't let them spend too much time together, now.
Me: Um, okay.  But I don't think I could really stop them, if that's what they really want.
Girl [in a bossy-boots sort of way]: It doesn't matter.  No alone time for them!

Yeah, because losing 2 husbands and only having 3 would be so hard.

Five Husbands - A Necklace

During the week, I wore a multi-strand necklace I made myself during the Australia Day weather event.  The girl who thinks I have five husbands saw me.

Girl: Ooh, that's such a pretty necklace.
Me: Thank you.
Girl [touching the necklace]: Did you make it yourself?
Me: Ye-
Girl: Or did one of your husbands make it?  Andrew?  Tim?
Me: What do you think?
Girl counts the strands (there are 9), then: Okay, you must have made it together.  Good work.
Me: Thanks...

Five Husbands - Sneak Peak (2)

The sneak peak for next year had a second part (you can see the first bit here).  I was already reeling from the projected turn of events, and my jaw had no doubt dropped.  But she continued.

Girl:  ...and... [a bit excited]... next year... you're going to have a child!  [Eyes very wide]  And she's going to be [voice drops for maximum impact] just - like - me!
Me: [splutter]
Girl [normally, back to excited]: Isn't that great?! 
Me: I- I'm not sure that I'm ready to have kids so soon...
Girl [matter-of-fact]: So, you have to start thinking of names.

Agh!

Five Husbands - Sneak Peak (1)

Straight after telling me I had no feelings, the girl who thinks I have five husbands offered me this.

Girl: So, do you want a sneak peak for next year?  [I nod, possibly a little nervously]. Okay.  So [very serious expression on her face] ... one of them is going to risk his life for you.  [Not so serious now] And two of them... Andrew and Harry... will get sick of sharing you, and they'll turn gay and get together. 

Yeah, cos that's totally how it works.

Five Husbands - Mental State

The girl who thinks I have five husbands looked at me, like she had a really serious question to ask me.

Girl: Um... Do you think I'm crazy?
Me: No.  You are very imaginative, though...
Girl: But do you think I'll end up in a mental... you know...?
Me: Mental asylum?  I doubt it.  But anyone can.  I think I would be more likely to end up in a mental asylum than you are.
Girl: Why?
Me: You know... the whole two lives thing... five husbands...?
Girl: But we both know that you do have five husbands.  And anyway, you have no feelings!
Me: Ouch!

I don't think she meant that in a mean way - it certainly didn't come across that way when she said it.  I would take it as a compliment, actually, in that I don't have very changeable moods as a teacher, but keep it a bit more professional.  Despite hearing all about my love life from an 11-yr-old.

Five Husbands - Status

The girl who thinks I have five husbands was working very hard on a piece - and nothing had been mentioned about my Other Life (if it really is...), so I wasn't prepared.

Girl: Um, Miss M...?
Me: Yes?
Girl: Oh wait... should I call you Miss M or Mrs M?
Me: Why ... would you call me... Mrs M? [as soon as I finish this sentence, I know what's around the corner]
Girl [in the super-slow, "I can't believe I have to explain this to you" way particular to 11-yr-old girls]: Because you have five husbands.  Duh.

Face palm...

Five Husbands - Occupations

At the start of the last holidays, the girl who thinks I have five husbands sent me an email.  Rather sweet, but it made me curious - what do my five husbands do???  First lesson back, I asked her.

Girl [a bit slowly, like she's memorised a speech]: Harry is an actor.  Tom is a ... builder.  Andrew is an architect - I think.  Yep, architect.  Tim is a teacher, and Sebastian is a conductor.  [In her normal conversational style]  Wow, you must be loaded!
Me: Only if they share. ... Maybe I could quit my job then?
Girl [look of horror on her face]: But - but - ... No. 

Five Husbands - Names

I thought it high time I find out the names of the men to whom I'm married.  I suspect this girl had already thought about this, because she came straight out with this:

Girl: Tim
Me: He's my favourite, right?
Girl: Yep.  Tim, Tom... Harry... Andrew and Sebastian.

And then she drew this on the board for me

... except she wrote my full last name [edited for the whole internet thing], started with Tim but ran out of space at the bottom, and we had a little discussion as to the spelling of Sebastian - I won. 

Five Husbands - Living Logistics

The girl who thinks I have five husbands (by this stage, age 10) sat down right next to me.  This was the first time I think she had actually thought about how this whole Five Husbands thing would work.

Girl [thoughtfully]:  So... that must be a really awkward living situation.  Wouldn't they all get jealous and fight over you...because you're so beautiful?
Me: ... Ummm...
Girl [picking up my left hand, and much more in charge]: Oh, and you should have 5 rings, one on each finger.
Me: But that would make it really hard to play the violin.
Girl [in that 10-yr-old girl knowing way]: Five husbands.  Five rings.

Five Husbands - A Date

Walking back to class with the girl who thinks I have five husbands (8 years old at the time).  There is quite a breeze, and she is a little obsessed with my hair and me having it out instead of always pulled back.  With my hair out, the breeze causes the windswept look, and I hear the following:

Girl: Ooh, you look like a movie star... You know, you should bring your favourite husband here for a romantic evening...
Me: ...I have a favourite husband?
Girl: Mm, Tim.... Light some candles, cook his favourite meal... You'd be wearing a pretty dress... [I admit - I zoned out a bit for the description of what I was wearing - sorry.  But I came right back when I heard the next bit] ... And he'd have his dark curly hair blowing in the breeze, his shirt partly unbuttoned -
Me: What?!  How old are you???  Does your mother know what you've been watching? 

At least there's a bit of romance in her imaginary version of my life.  Nevermind the whole idea of bringing a husband for a date to school!

Five Husbands - Age Logic

I mentioned to the girl who thinks I have five husbands that the new string teacher and I went to the same school, and that teacher was a year or 2 older than me. 

 

Girl: Okay... how old are you? 

Me: How old do you think I am? 

Girl: 15? 

Me: How would I have 5 husbands? I'm pretty sure that's illegal. 

Girl: oh...50? 

Me: (glare) 

Girl: 20? 

Me: That's a better number, let's stay there.

Holidays with Five Husbands

I was going to continue the Five Husbands story in order, but as it's holidays...  I received an email from the Five Husbands girl earlier this week.  It finished like this:

I hope you have a safe, healthy and happy holiday with your 5 husbands and I hope you enjoy it.


...So, now I need to find out what sort of occupations these 5 husbands of mine have...

Five Husbands - Wedding Dresses

Yes - Sunday is the day for the Five Husbands saga.  By the time this child was in grade 4, I had noticed her fashion ideas were more prominent.  Combined with my inkling that she will be wonderful as a movie director-type person, this following snippet was not a surprise:

Girl: So, what did you do for wedding dresses?  I mean, did you wear the same one or different ones?  Wait.  It just wouldn't be right to wear the same dress for every wedding. 
Me [a bit baffled]: Ummm I guess...
Girl: That would be like saying they're all the same.  You must have worn different ones.  So, there would have been one that puffed out, and another one like a ball gown, and...

I have to admit, I zoned out a bit as she described all her ideas for my wedding dresses.  Maybe, if movie producer isn't where her life takes her, wedding planner might be on the cards.

Cooking with Five Husbands

After the initial Five Husbands thing, that child would occasionally ask me - in that gossipy tone of voice:  Sooo.... how are your five husbands??? 
And my reply would usually be along the lines of: Hm, they're fine...

Until one day, when I was feeling daring.

Girl: Sooo.. How are your five husbands???
Me: They're fine.  But I wish they'd learn to cook more.  It's so boring right now!  Just soups and stirfries [guess what I'd been cooking all that term...]
Girl:  Ooh, you could give them each a cookbook.  Or, make them watch cooking shows.  If you have each of them watch a different cooking show, then you can have a different style each time one of them cooks.  That would be much more interesting.

Five Husbands

This is the beginning of quite a saga.  In 2008, I was teaching a girl in grade 2, still 7 years old but nearly 8.  She was unpacking, and I was writing something in her notebook. 

Girl: um, Miss M?  Are you married?
Still looking down, I held up my left hand, to indicate the absence of a wedding ring.
Girl [incredulous]: You have five husbands?!?! You must do a lot of cooking!!!
It was probably a couple of minutes before I could stop laughing and explain to her that most people, when married, wear a wedding ring on their ring finger, and by showing her that I wasn't wearing any rings, it means I'm probably not married. 

It didn't work though.  Since then, she has been working on My Life With Five Husbands.  Which is far more interesting than my actual life.