Too/Two

This year's junior quartet are so, so funny.  I wish I could record them and show you all.  Instead, you'll have to receive their hilarity secondhand, through me.  And just in case you're not fluent in Kodaly-speak as well as violin-speak: a 2 (two) is our second finger.  A too (or too-oo) is a minim, or a note held for 2 ta (crotchet) beats.

Me: Violin 2, what sort of two do you have in bar 32?
Violin 2: I don't have a too in bar 32.
Me: Um, yes you do.
Violin 2: No, I've got ta za za za ta ta ta ta-
Me: No not bar 31, bar 32.
Violin 2: Oh!  Ta ta ta ta-
Me [a little exasperated]: Yes, but what sort of two?
Violin 2: There is no too. [By this stage, Violin 1 and Cello have got up and are peering at her music as well, pointing to the right bar and saying the rhythm also]
Me: Yes, there is.  Find it, quickly, and tell me what sort of two it is.
Violin 2: I don't have a too in bar 32, and anyway, what different sort of toos can you have?
Me [finally cottoning on to the problem]: Ah.  Bar 32.  Your second note.  What sort of second finger do you have?
Violin 2 [blinking]: Oh.  Oh.  Low.
Me: Ah.  Yes.  Phew.

General hilarity ensued as they all realised the cause of the confusion.

Mm, Good Maths

A grade 11 girl, with an accounting exam straight after her lesson.  Working on the 2nd violin part of the 2nd movement of Bach's Brandenburg Concerto #3, which is in compound duple time.  The last bar has 2 tums (dotted crotchets) - she wasn't playing either of them long enough.

Me: How many tis fit into these notes?
Girl: [promptly]: One and a half.
Me: If we were counting tas, sure.  How many tis fit into a tum?
Girl: Two [I shake my head]... Four [I shake my head again]
Me [pointing to the 6 in the time signature, rather pointedly]: How many tis in every bar?
Girl [pausing]: Ummm... 6?
Me: And if this bar has 2 notes of equal rhythm, they have to have the same number of tis, right? [girl nods slowly] - So, what's 6 divided by 2?
Girl [promptly]: Four.
Me: Good luck with that accounting exam.
Girl: Oh.  I mean three.  I told you I'm not good with numbers!

Rhythm Something

A 10-yr-old had just played Purcell's Rondeau (from Abdelazar) from memory.  She had played it quite well, except for the rhythm in one particular section, which trips up most students.

Me: What's the rhythm in the C section?
Girl [slightly wary, but still from memory]: Ta...ummm ti slurry.... something something...

Good thing she could play it properly when she had the music in front of her or I would have been really worried.  And depressed.

The Riot

A new piece in ensemble.  A very messy bit, which shouldn't be.

Me: Violins and violas go ti-ti ta ti-ti ta, cellos and double bass ti-ti ti-ti ti-ti ta, violins and violas ti-ti ti-ti ta cellos and double bass ti-ti ti-ti everyone ti-ti ta.
9-yr-old (enthusiastically): So, it's like we're having a riot!
Me: Ah, yes, I guess it is a bit...
Another 9-yr-old: Ooh, and our bows are like guns and we can shoot everyone and-
Me: Let's not go nuts.