The Art Critic

9-yr-old boy.  I started a painting which now stands at the top of the stairs, in the living room.  It has a violinist in it.

Boy: Um, Anna?  Is this you?
Me: Er- not really.  But it looks more like me than any other violinist I know, so maybe.
Boy [looking closer]: It's not a very good bow hold...
Me: Well, it's pretty small.  Have you tried to paint a bow hold that small?  With not a tiny paintbrush?  Trust me, it's not easy.
Boy: The left hand has a pretty good shape to it... I think...  [peering more closely] It's a bit hard to tell though...  But that sky is really cool!
Me: Phew.  Thanks!

Violin Vs Choir Tour

9-yr-old boy, who doesn't like playing violin.  His dad comes to every lesson.

Dad: Now, next week there's a bit of a problem.  We won't be able to come to a lesson, because J will be on choir tour!
Me: Ooh, that's exciting.
Boy [whinging]: But I don't want to go on choir tour!
Dad: Well, I tell you what.  Next week, you don't have to come to violin.  How about that?
Boy: No!  Violin is much better than choir tour!
Me: Wow.
Dad: But - you've never been on a choir tour.  How would you know if you'll like it or not?
Boy: But I know I won't like it!  I want to do violin instead! [Really?  He must really not want to do this tour]
Dad: So maybe we should leave Toowomba really early on Saturday morning, and come back for a violin lesson, and then go back and join the tour again?

Poor kid.  Sounds like an awful weekend ahead for him.  Mwahahahaha.

Ah, Geography (Part 2)

The same boy as the last post.  We were now looking at The Entertainer.

Me: Who wrote this piece?
Boy: Um... [I point and, internally, roll my eyes] Oh.  Scott... Joh..pline...
Me: Scott Jop-lin.  Where do you think this guy is from?
Boy: France?
Me: Er, no.
Boy: Ooh, England!
Me: No - but somewhere they speak English.
Boy: Um... Italy!
Me: Ah... no.  Could he be Australian? 
Boy [shaking his head]: I don't think so.
Me: But don't we speak English here?
Boy: Yeah, but I don't think he's from here. [under his breath] Scot...
Me: No, he's not from Scotland.
Boy: I know that.  Oh!  Where else speaks English?  That's not England?
Me [knowing this could take forever]: Do they speak English in America?  Could he be American? [I start nodding really obviously]
Boy [looking rather unconvinced]: Yes?
Me: Yes.  Scott Joplin was American. 

Ah, Geography

[Great.  It just took me 3 tries to spell 'Geography'.  In the title.  I got it right first time, in this sentence].

9-yr-old boy, whose dad sits in on the lesson.  Boy has a pair of Iranian grandparents.  He'd accidentally brought his brother's violin, 2 sizes too big for him, so we were doing some theory and general knowledge at the start of the lesson.  We started with Barcarolle, by Jacques Offenbach.

Me [inner smirk - this is always entertaining]: Who wrote this piece?
Boy [squinting]: Jack...wez... Off... batch...
Me: I know it doesn't look like it, but his first name is zhark, and his second name is Off-en-bark.  [boy looks skeptical] Trust me.  Where do you think he's from?
Boy: Iran?
Me: Umm... no.  His first name is... [stunned look on boy's face] from France, and his second name is German.  He's actually German.

We then went on to talk about the name of the piece, and what it means.  It's from a French opera, which doesn't really help.

Me: So, we have this guy with a French first name, and a German last name, writing an opera in French... [boy starts to giggle]... and this song is a boat song from Venice [his dad laughs].  Do you know where Venice is?
Boy: France?
Me: Er - no.  This country starts with the letter "I".
Boy [quickly]: Iran!
Me: I knew you were going to say that!  No, this country is where pizza comes from... and spaghetti... Ferraris [running out of ideas]
Boy's dad: Where are Italians from?
Boy: Oh, Italy!!!

We then had a delightful discussion about Venice and not riding a bike to school through the canal.  Unless it's a hover bike.

Montagues and Capulets

16-yr-old boy, and we're working on - yep, you guessed it - Prokofiev's Montagues and Capulets.  It had been a little while since I'd heard it.  The first part was okay (needed more attack, and he needs to practice his octave scales).  Then we got to the middle section, which is major, sweet, and triple time (as opposed to minor, violent, and duple).  Instead of a lovely sweet tone, he did a fabulous attack on the first note, which was really what I needed for the first part, but not here.

Me: Whoa!  What is happening in the music here?
Boy: Um... It's... [hand gestures - I wish I could have taped this and uploaded the video]
Me: Well, what's the piece about?
Boy: The... er.. Montagues and Capulets...?
Me: And... who are they?
Boy: Well, it's from Romeo and Juliet.
Me: ...And...?  Tell me about Romeo and Juliet. [this is sometimes a very disturbing eye-opener, when I discover my students know very little of Shakespeare].
Boy: Okay, so there are these two families, the Montagues and the Capulets.  And... the daughter and son... of the families... they fall in love with each other.  While the families are still, you know, feuding.  [With a 'weird' tone of voice] And the families continue to hate each other even while the kids are, you know, in love. [Hands rolling, yadda yadda yadda]  Oh, then it looks like Juliet has died, so Romeo ... umm... kills himself... And then Juliet finds out Romeo is actually dead, so she... ... dies.
Me: Good synopsis.  Back to the Montagues and Capulets.  What are they doing when they're feuding?
Boy [like, duh]: They're... fighting...
Me: Put yourself in 15th century Verona [not sure if that's the right century - sorry].  How are you going to fight?  Are you going to confront the other lot and go, hey, um, we're fighting?  [boy shakes head] Are you going to use a cannonball?  A shotgun?  A hand grenade?
Boy: No, you'd do some sword fighting.
Me [breathing sigh of relief]: Great. 

There was more - like what Juliet is actually doing in the slow part...  But I'll leave it there for now.

A 'D' Birthday

This boy is the younger (by about 6 years) of two boys.  He's small for his age, too, and is babied (in my opinion) by his brother and dad, who are always in the lessons.

Boy's dad: You might notice a slightly different J this week... [babying voice] Because he's had a birthday.
Me: I thought so!  So you're 9 now, aren't you?
Boy [downcast]: Yeah.  [pause] But I want to be 8 again.  I liked being 8.
Me: I understand.  Not much you can do about it though.
Boy's dad: Maybe, we should not have any cake, or presents, tomorrow?
Boy: Could I have a 'D' party?
Me [in my head - a what?  Have I misheard?  Am I really getting so old and behind the times...?]
Boy's dad [after a slight pause, with a look of confusion on his face too]: A what? [phew]
Boy: A 'D' party.
Boy's dad: What's a 'D' party?
Boy: You know.  Where I get a 'D' and have to go back to being 8.

Ah.  So, failing at being 9.  Not a bad concept.

Making It Jazzy

9-yr-old boy, just started learning The Entertainer.  Apparently, this is a scary piece.  I decided to work on small chunks instead of tackling the whole piece, and we did the end of the first section first (do re mi do re mi-- do re do mi do re mi-- do re do mi do re mi-- ti,re-- do----).  His first play of it was accurate, but deadly boring.

Me: So, that was fine... But I think we might be able to make it a bit more interesting, don't you?
Boy: Ummm... I guess...
Me: Well, this piece is from the jazz era, so how could we make it sound more like jazz?
Boy: Like, um, like, oh, what's the word... shta-catt-o?
Me: Staccato?
Boy: Yes!
Me: I thought you might say that.  How about this? [I play it, with very short notes.  His face remained passive].  Was it jazzy?  Your face doesn't look convinced.  [Boy grins].  How about, if we made every do with a bit of accent?
Boy: Yeah... [I played - it's not that easy.  His face remained passive, again].
Me: You still don't look convinced.  How about... If we made every mi with an accent?
[Boy looks unconvinced, gives me that "I have a crazy teacher" look].
Me: Let's give it a go, anyway.  [I played, so it sounded more like this: do re MI do re MI-- do re do MI do re MI-- do re do MI do re MI-- ti,re-- do----.  By the 3rd MI, his face had lit up].  That's  more like it - now you look convinced!
Boy [grinning and enthusiastic]: Yeah!  That's the way I want to do it!

And he played it exactly the same way.  But with more of a smile on his face.

Violins in Cellos

9-yr-old boy, uses a school violin.  The string department at school (including the instrument storage space) is housed in an area called the chalet (I'm not quite sure why).  This was while he was packing up.

Boy: I'm going to Sydney for the whole holidays.
Me: And are you taking your whole violin?
Boy: Nnnnoooo... Unless I have a smaller case.  Can I get a smaller case?
Me: You'd only be able to get a smaller case if you detached bits of your violin.  [Unfortunately, he looked enthusiastic with this prospect].  Which is the same as breaking your violin.  So, don't...
Boy [all packed up]: Oh... I'm going to put my violin in the cello now.
Me: In the ... chalet?
Boy: Yep. 
Me: Yeah, don't try to put it in the cello.  They... wouldn't like that.

[Cue giggles as he leaves the room, encountering a mate who had just finished his cello lesson].

No Lesson at Easter

My first-thing Saturday morning student comes nearly every week.  Of the year.  The Saturdays closest to Christmas and New Year are usually taken off, but apart from that - unless I'm away - he has a lesson.  He's now 15, and his mum always comes to the lesson too.  At the end of every lesson, his mum asks "Same time next week?" and usually my reply is yes.  But last week:

Boy's mum: Same time next week?
Me: Ooh - actually, no, don't come next week.
Boy's mum [surprised/concerned]: Oh - why not?
Boy [in that "I can't believe I have to explain this to you" tone of voice]: Mum, it's Easter.  She wants a holiday!

Like, duh.

Birthday Swap

9-yr-old boy. 

Boy: Oh... That concert isn't on my birthday is it?
Me: When's your birthday?  It's in May, right?
Boy: Yep.  May the 24th. 
Me: And you're turning... 9?
Boy: 10. 
Me: Well, that explains why you're so tall.
Boy: Oh ... Wait... My dad and I are swapping.
Me: You're swapping?
Boy [starting to giggle]: Yep.  He's going to be turning 10, I'm going to be turning 39.
Me: 39?!
Boy: Yep, I'll be 39.  So... Actually... My birthday is now going to be April... No... March 30.
Me: Wow.  So you'll be the oldest person in your class!
Boy [big grin]: Yep!

Cowbell

8-yr-old boy, whose mum's family is from either Germany or Austria.  I was trying to pick the next piece for him to learn - usually we pick one he's doing in classroom music.  And, if you haven't seen the 'Needs More Cowbell' music video on Youtube, do...

Me: Can you sing me a song you're learning at school?
Boy sings half-heartedly, and I can't really pick the words or the melody.
Boy: Can we do a piece that I can do as a duet, with my mum?
Me: Of course!  That would be great!  Does your mum play violin too?
Boy: Uh-uh.  Cowbell.
Me [suppressing a giggle - see video]: Ah.  Okay.
Boy: Ummm ... Can we learn Edelweiss?
Me: Just a minute [I go through it in my head to see if he'll be able to play the whole thing].  Yes!
Boy: Yay.  I know my mum can play it, too. [He then proceeded to sing it in letternames for me - impressive, but we're in a different key].

I can't wait to hear this cowbell-violin duet, eventually.  His first play of it was not bad at all.

Metronomes

8-yr-old boy is really unenthusiastic about violin (his dad makes him have lessons).  Last week, I said he needed to get acquainted with a metronome - best thing ever.  He loves it, I think because he gets to use his dad's phone, and he uses it every time he practices.  We put it on today, for a Minuet by Bach which has ta = 100-115 at the top.

Boy: I don't know what the hundred means.
Me: See how there's a ta there?  So you put your metronome onto to 100, and that's the same as your ta beat.
Boy: Oh.  [plays a bit] But that's so fast!
Me: Well, as you've only had this piece a week, we could make it a little bit slower.  Let's try 90. [Boy adjusts metronome, and we play a few phrases at that speed.  The opening passage is a bit of a challenge though].
Boy: Oh but it's so fast.  This piece is so hard!
Me: You know, we could put the metronome on even a bit slower.  Your examiner won't have their own metronome on, saying "Ahem, it's meant to be 100 and you're only playing it at 99".  If it was on.. 60... Then they might say it's a bit slow.
[Boy changes tempo to 81.  We play a bit more].
Boy [grinning cheekily]: Good thing we didn't make it 80.  They'd probably say something then.

Book Critic

I teach a pair of brothers on Saturday mornings.  While I was teaching the younger, the dad handed one of my books (This is Your Brain on Music, by Daniel Levitin) to the older boy, who's about 14.  At the end, I heard this:

Dad: What do you think of the book?
Boy: meh... it's ... [insert teenage mumbling]
Dad [all enthusiastic]: It's written by a neurologist, about the different ways your brain connects neurons.
Boy [dismissively]: Yeah... he could have done better with metaphors.
Dad's jaw drops.

Magic Elves

8-yr-old boy's last lesson for the year.  I teach his older sister, too, but she hasn't been able to come to the last few lessons.

Me: So, this is your last lesson for the year.  Would you like a Magic Elf? [like a Freddo frog, but with tingly bits in it - and shaped like an elf, obviously]
Boy [eyes lighting up]: Ooh, yes please!
Me: If I gave you another one, would it make its way to H?
Boy [head to one side, thinking about this seriously]: Ummm... Only if you give me 4.
Me: 4?!
Boy: Yeah... You know how C and I are as well, if I come home with 2 then they'll all want one!

He had a point.  He was the only to get a Magic Elf.

D C al Fine

8-yr-old boy, playing a piece with D. C. al Fine written at the end.  He did what he was meant to do (go back to the beginning and play until Fine), but I wanted to check he knew what it was called.

Me [pointing to the instruction]: At the end, what do you do?
Boy [sounding like and Aussie]: Dee-cal fine.  You go to there [points to top of piece], do the first line and 2 bars and then stop.
Me: Do you know what the D.C. actually stands for? [I point my index fingers on my head]
Boy: Use your brain?

I then did what I normally do - Da Capo, you can see the word 'cap' in Capo, you put your cap on your head, capo means head, fine means finish... But I did like his response.  One should always use one's brain.

Cartwheels

As a grade 4 boy was leaving his lesson:

Boy: Mum?
Mother: Yes dear?
Boy: How long until we get home?
Mother: About 30 minutes.
Boy: Oh good!  When we get home, I want to show you my cartwheels!

???  Interesting kid, this one. 

Mango Yoghurt

This particular 8-yr-old boy is usually really good (ie focused) for about 20 minutes, sometimes 25... and then he starts to get a bit silly, and in recent weeks has ended the lesson talking in a made up language (of which I think there are 3 in his repertoire).  Today he walked into the lesson talking in a made up language, and he didn't switch to his focused self for very long at a time.  By the time he was packing up, I realised what I should have asked at the beginning.

Me [lightbulb]: Ah - what did you have for afternoon tea?
Boy [mumbles]
Me: Chocolate?  Is that what you said?  You had chocolate for afternoon tea?  That explains a lot...
Boy: No... Yoghurt.
Me: Yummmm.
Boy: Mango yoghurt.
Me: Double yum!
Boy: .... aaaannnnd ... I had a lot of it...

Evil Fish

I picked up a grade 3 boy from art today.  Incidentally, this was my first ever case of me asking for a particular child, and the teacher responding with "Yes!  ...good luck..."

Me: What were you working on in art?
Boy: We're painting schools of fishes, and they all have to swim that way [arms point to the right].  So I asked Mrs C if we could have an evil fish going that way [one index finger points to the left].
Me: What did she say?
Boy: Well, she said it was okay to have a fish swimming that way [left]... but not an evil fish.
Me: Okay... How would you paint an evil fish, anyway?
Boy [like, duh]: With its eyebrows pointing down.  And all the other fish are blue, but the evil fish is red.

So, beware red fish.

Four-Way Caps

8-yr-old boy, packing up his violin, sees his cap on the floor by the case.

Boy: Oh, I can't forget my cap.  It's new - and it's a four-way cap.  See, you can wear it this way [brim at the front, shade at the back] or this way [reverses it so he can just see out the little crescent].  Or this way [flips it so the shade bit is not hanging, but tucked inside, and the brim at the front again].  Or... hmmm... oh yeah, or this way [pulls the brim to the side, so he looks like a Cool Kid].

Big grin.

Biggest Loser

I have a fit ball in my living room, which is possibly the most popular item in my house.  One Saturday morning, I had this conversation with a 7-yr-old - possibly the longest sentence I'd heard him say.

Boy: Um, Anna?
Me: Yes?
Boy: Were you on The Biggest Loser?
Me: Ah... no... [????? What are you saying??? - oh wait, it's a Biggest Loser brand fit ball] NO - I mean, no.  I bought that at a supermarket.  I had a choice of that one or some girly pink thing.
Boy: [Doesn't look convinced.  Thanks a lot, kid]