Such a Cute Niece

I recently put up a photo of each of my nieces and nephews (5 in total).  They're all pretty cute, but the photo of the younger niece is totally sweet.  12-yr-old girl (with a short attention span - and her mum knows this so the girl has a slightly longer lesson each week) comments on it every week.

Girl: Awww!!!  That- she's so... cute!!!  That basketball - will you play with me?  Awww...  And just looking up, like, oh.  So. Sweet.
Me: Yeah, she is pretty cute.
Girl: How old is she?
Me: In that photo she's 18 months.
Girl: And the rest of them!  So cute!  Aww - who's the little guy at the end?
Me: That's A - the lower 4 photos were all taken at his 2nd birthday party.
Girl: Ohhh - and who's the sweet little girl hiding behind the tree?
Me: That's his big sister, C, who's 4-
Girl: And the [giggle] kid with blue paint?
Me: That's H - and it's not paint, it's icing [girl raises eyebrows] - kids like blue icing.  On birthday cakes.  Especially boys.
Girl: Okay, that's pretty cute.  And the-
Me: That's the oldest, O - that was taken last year, but he's just turned 7 now.
Girl: Oh, nice.  And- [shaking head] wow.  She's just... so... cute... And she looks a little bit like you.
Me [raised eyebrows]: Um...
Girl: Well, you know, you've got darker hair... and yours is a bit longer and all.  Oh, and you're taller.  Obviously.  And you're not holding a basket ball that's, like, half your size.  Practically.  And you're not wearing a sweet little pink dress and oh look at the shoes!  They're so-
Me: Yeah, they are pretty sweet.  Ahem - could you play that piece now please?
Girl: What?  Oh.  I guess- agh! She'ssocute!  Okay.  Focus.  Right.

The Thumb Joke

12-yr-old girl.  Her posture was not as good as it should be, very tight and squeezy, so she had her thumb clenched up to her hand (like a Stop sign).

Me: Hand down. [she straightens her wrist but is still quite tense].  Floppy.  [I tried to open up the gap between her thumb and hand].  What's this?  What's this doing here?
Girl [bewildered]: I... I don't know.... I've always had a thumb there....

We both laughed.  A lot. 

A Mob Hit

12-yr-old girl arrives, with her violin case under one arm. 

Me: Hi, how are- is it safe?  You're not going to shoot me, are you?
Girl [giggling]: No, I'm not, I mean - no.  Does it look like it?
Me: You don't have a machine gun hiding in there or anything?
Girl [narrowing eyes, starting to aim]: Er... [pauses like she's thinking about it] No. 

Later, she noticed my globe, which uses different stones for the different countries.  It used to live behind the TV but I moved it into the open.

Girl: That is so cool.  [flash of inspiration] You could use it to plan your next mob hit.
Me [blinking]: What? [obviously I'm old, and was thinking Mafia at this point]
Girl: You know, your next mob.  Like that guy, he organised that mob - where they all got together and they did that thing, and it was really cool, everyone just jumped up-
Me [penny dropping]: Oh, I ge-
Girl: And they all played together-
Me: You mean a flash mob.  Not the Mob, mob.
Girl: What?  Yeah, the mob.  The cool mob thing.
Me: Not the Mafia.
Girl [with the What's My Teacher Talking About look]: No.  What?
Me: After you came in here carrying your violin like that, I just- I had Mafia on the brain. 
Girl: No... But you should use this!  Get everyone playing violin, it would be so cool!

I guess she's onto my plans for world domination...

Are They Fishnets?

12-yr-old girl.

Girl: Ooh.  I love your stockings.
Me: Thanks.
Girl: Are they fishnets?
Me: Er - no.  Although I can - kinda - see how you got there.
Girl: They are, like, kind of see through-
Me: Yeah, but not in a net pattern. 
Girl [giggling]: Ha.  You could kinda see a fisherman using them to catch fish...
Me: Ugh!  Fishy smelling legs!
Girl [imitating a big gruff fisherman]: Oh!  These are great!  I've caught lots of fish in these... I think they'd make great stockings for my wife now.  Here you go, darl!
Me: Shudder.

You can see the stockings in question in today's post in my other blog.